


The Miseducation of Robert and Aaron

by Gertrude_Perkins



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Discussions of Bisexuality, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-08-22 21:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 38,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gertrude_Perkins/pseuds/Gertrude_Perkins
Summary: Robert and Aaron are two teenagers who meet at a centre for gay conversion therapy.The title and the topic are based on 'The Miseducation of Cameron Post' but the storyline is quite different.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (In this story, Gordon did not abuse Aaron).

Robert’s heart was pounding as he followed Tom along the path and into the barn. He wasn’t sure exactly what was happening, but Tom had kissed him twice before and Robert wanted it to happen again. Robert’s girlfriend, Katie, didn’t know anything about this of course, no-one did, and Robert intended to keep it that way. But he thought they’d be safe in the barn on his Dad’s farm, as Tom had been the only one working in the field nearby, and they were far away from the farmhouse where Robert’s Dad would be having his tea by now.

‘Come here,’ Tom said breathlessly, grabbing the front of Robert’s t-shirt and pulling him in for a kiss. Robert moaned softly as their lips met. Tom was a few years older than Robert, and presumably had some experience of kissing men. This was all new to Robert.

Although he’d had several girlfriends and kissed many female lips over the last two years or so, he’d been keeping a lid on his occasional lustful feelings for those of his own gender, choosing to believe they were meaningless crushes that he’d grow out of. But when Tom arrived to work on the farm this summer, Robert’s attraction to him felt like more than a passing phase. 

Tom liked to work with his shirt off, and Robert liked to watch him. When he’d spotted Robert trying to sneak a look one day, instead of being angry as Robert had feared, Tom had grinned and winked at him. A couple of days later when the two were alone, Tom had given Robert the surprise of his life when he put a hand on Robert’s backside and squeezed his buttock while planting a quick, wet kiss on his lips. Robert had been terrified, shocked and thrilled.

A week or so later, they had managed to sneak another kiss – longer this time and passionate – before jumping apart from each other when they heard someone coming, which turned out to be Robert’s girlfriend Katie.

This time Robert was determined they’d be able to go further. His nervous excitement increased as he felt Tom’s hand move to the front of his jeans and start to fumble with the zip. They fell into the hay as they kept kissing furiously, and Robert got his own hand down Tom’s shorts. He let out a thrilled gasp as he grabbed the older man’s dick in his hand and stroked it eagerly. 

Tom let out a loud groan, then pulled back from the kiss, putting his hands on each side of Robert’s head. ‘Suck me off… will you…?’ he panted, moving Robert’s head down towards his groin.

Robert’s moment of hesitation was fuelled by nerves, but it didn’t last long. He sank to his knees and enthusiastically took the dick in his mouth. He felt wild with pleasure as strong fingers gripped his hair, and he moved his lips up and down, revelling in the moans escaping Tom’s mouth. Robert grasped his own dick which was rock hard now, pumping it up and down frantically…

‘Ohhh God…..’ Tom yelled and pulled out of Robert’s mouth just in time to spray his warm come onto the floor of the barn. The sight of it tipped Robert over the edge, and his own orgasm was one of the most intense he’d ever had.

He fell back onto the hay, panting heavily. As he tried to get his breath back, a sudden noise made Robert sit up.

‘Robert? Tom – are you in here?’

Robert’s eyes widened and he stared at Tom in horror at the sound of his Dad’s voice. Before either of them had time to move, Robert’s Dad walked into the barn.

His jaw dropped open and the shocked expression on his face pinned Robert to the spot. 

‘Dad… I…’ Robert started to speak but he had no idea how to continue.

Jack seemed to snap out of his shock and he closed his mouth, grimly. He turned to Tom. 

‘Get out.’

Tom stood up, zipped up his shorts then looked from Robert to Jack. ‘Mr Sugden…’ he started, but Jack cut him off.

‘I SAID GET OUT!’

The sudden yell made Robert jump. He’d never seen his Dad this angry before, and his heart pounded with terror. He didn’t move a muscle as Tom walked out of the barn. Then Jack spoke quietly this time.

‘Cover yourself up,’ he said disgustedly, unable or unwilling to look Robert in the eye.

Robert stumbled to his feet and yanked his jeans up, pulling at the zip with trembling fingers. He kept his eyes on the floor as he waited for his father to speak again.

Eventually Jack spoke.

‘What the hell are you playing at? Eh?’

Robert couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work so he said nothing and kept staring at his feet.

Jack’s voice got louder. ‘Do you think that’s normal behaviour for a lad your age? What would poor Katie say? Speak up, Robert…’

‘I… I don’t know…’ Robert stuttered, his head bowed.

‘And what about my friends? How would the people of this village look at me if they knew what you were getting up to? The good people I see in church every week, you’ll make me a laughing stock…’

At this Robert found his voice. He looked up and glared defiantly at his Dad.

‘Oh yeah, it’s all about you… we wouldn’t want anyone laughing at the great Jack Sugden, would we?’ 

‘Don’t you speak to me…’

‘Well let me tell you Dad, it was nothing to do with you… I just wanted to do it and I did!’ Robert was shouting at the top of his voice now, having lost all control, ‘I like boys, ok? I kissed him and he kissed me, and then he put his dick in my mouth and it was fantas…’

Robert didn’t get to finish his sentence as Jack flew across the barn and smashed a fist into his face. Pain seared though his face and head as he fell to the floor. 

He couldn’t seem to stop himself as he taunted his father again, ‘Your son’s a cocksucker… haha… Jack Sugden raised a fairy…’

Robert gasped as Jack’s boot connected with his stomach. He lay helpless on the floor of the barn while Jack kicked him again and again. Robert closed his eyes tightly and tried not to cry, as he waited for the blows to stop. 

Jack soon seemed to run out of energy and anger, and Robert began to hear strange noises coming from above him. He opened his eyes and saw to his horror that Jack was sobbing. 

Robert watched as his Dad sank onto the floor with his head in his hands.

‘Why are you like this?’ he sobbed. ‘Why can’t you just be normal?’

Robert curled up in a ball and cried his own tears noiselessly, waiting for his Dad to stop and go away, and leave him alone.

_________________________

The next morning, Robert woke up to realise that his body ached all over. He was covered in bruises, and every time he moved something hurt.

He clambered slowly and carefully out of bed, slipped a warm jumper over his pyjamas and went downstairs. His Dad was sitting at the kitchen table. 

Jack looked up as Robert approached, and his face was immediately covered with shame. Robert supposed he had bruises on his face, maybe a black eye. He made himself a bowl of cereal before sitting down opposite his Dad. He’d eaten a few spoonfuls before Jack spoke.

‘I’ve been up all night, son, but I think I’ve found a solution.’

Robert stopped eating. A solution to what? He waited for his dad to go on.

Jack sighed. ‘It’s not going to be easy for either of us, but Robert I know you can beat this… There’s a place you can go, I spoke to Father Richard about it last night… you can stay as long as it takes…’

Robert stared at his Dad. ‘What place?’

‘It’ll make you better, son,’ Jack said kindly. ‘It’s not your fault, but it can be cured. You just need the right treatment…’

Robert started to panic. ‘Treatment…?’ he said. ‘Dad, are you saying I need to be cured of fancying boys? Because this is the twenty-first century and no-one thinks like that anymore…it’s not a disease for fuck’s sake…’

Jack reached a hand out and grabbed Robert’s hand. ‘I’m sorry for how I reacted,’ he said emotionally. ‘I know it was wrong, I lost my temper and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have hurt you, I’m sorry…’

Robert didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Why should he have to go and stay somewhere else? He was about to protest when the kitchen door opened, and his brother Andy walked in. When Andy saw Robert’s bruised and battered face, he stopped and stared, before his expression of shock turned into one of irritation. 

‘What have you done now, Robert?’ he sighed wearily, not waiting for an answer before he started rooting through the cupboards for breakfast.

Robert didn’t say anything but wondered whether getting out of here might not be a good idea after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Finn have a new roommate.

Aaron looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost time for lunch, he noticed with relief. He was sitting in an English lesson and his head was full of extracts of poetry that he didn’t understand. Of all the lessons he had to do, this was one of the worst, it was just so boring to Aaron and he couldn’t see the point. Luckily for him though, his roommate Finn was pretty good at English, and didn’t mind helping Aaron with his work from time to time.

After a long five minutes, the teacher announced the end of the lesson, and the students started getting their things together to leave. As they did, a smartly dressed woman walked in. It was Marion, the head of the facility. 

She smiled at the room. ‘Could I have a word with Aaron and Finn please?’ she said.

Aaron immediately started thinking of what he could have done wrong. When you were called to speak to Marion it usually meant you were in trouble, but he couldn’t think why they would be. He and Finn stayed behind while the others left, glancing at each other nervously. 

Marion smiled. ‘Don’t look so worried,’ she said. ‘I just wanted to let you know that you’re getting a new roommate. He’s arriving this afternoon.’

Aaron groaned inwardly. He wasn’t very good with people, and found social situations awkward. Since Aaron had arrived, he had only shared a room with Finn, although they always knew someone might take the spare bed in their room one day. Although they didn’t have much in common, the two boys got on reasonably well.

‘Great!’ Finn said excitedly. ‘It’ll be good to meet someone new, and we’ll be able to look after him, won’t we Aaron?’

Aaron nodded glumly as Marion beamed at Finn’s enthusiasm. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I’m glad I can rely on you to give Robert a warm welcome and support him in his first days here. Not everyone finds it easy at first to get used to our way of doing things, but I’m sure he’ll benefit from your guidance. Now go and have lunch, and I’ll let you know when Robert arrives.’

As they left the room and headed for the dining hall, Finn chattered happily away about the prospect of the new boy, while Aaron kept quiet and pretended to be happy.

A few hours later, they were relaxing in the common room with most of the other students. Aaron was flicking through a car magazine while Finn was reading one of his superhero comics, when one of the leaders came in and told them to go to their room. 

They went in to see another leader, John, standing with a tall, blond boy. John smiled. ‘Aaron, Finn, this is our new resident and your new roommate, Robert.’

Finn leaned forwards and held out a hand for Robert to shake. ‘I’m Finn, pleased to meet you,’ he said.

Aaron watched as Robert seemed taken aback by the gesture, but he quickly recovered himself, smiled and shook Finn’s hand. ‘Hi’, he said.

Aaron took a hand out of his pocket and waved it vaguely. ‘Aaron,’ he said.

Robert looked amused by Aaron’s greeting. ‘Hi Aaron,’ he grinned. 

His smile was wide and charming, and it made Aaron want to look away. This Robert struck him as too confident, too pleased with himself for a new boy.

‘Well, I’ll leave you to unpack and get settled in, Robert,’ said John. ‘Then perhaps Finn and Aaron could show you round?’

‘Absolutely,’ Finn beamed. 

John smiled and left the room. 

Robert looked at Aaron and Finn. ‘So… where should I put my stuff?’ he asked.

Suddenly, Aaron felt a pang of sympathy for the new boy. He remembered what it was like to be left alone in this place, having to learn new rules, not knowing anyone and wondering how long you’d have to stay. He sighed.

‘You can have these shelves and the chest of drawers,’ he said, pointing around. ‘Do you want a hand?’

Robert smirked. ‘I think I can manage to put my stuff away,’ he said. ‘But I can’t be bothered to do that now – I need you two to show me how to get out of here.’

 

Aaron frowned. ‘Eh? You’ve only just arrived…’

‘I don’t mean get out permanently,’ Robert grinned, ‘I mean, how do you sneak out at night? Does the window open…’

He wandered over to the window and tried to open it, but it only opened a small gap.

Finn piped up. ‘It doesn’t open because we’re not supposed to go out unless we have permission. We don’t sneak out…’

Robert scoffed. ‘Why not?’ He looked from Finn to Aaron dismissively. ‘Maybe you two aren’t the right guys to help me out…’

Aaron felt his anger rising. ‘We didn’t ask for you to share our room, you know. We’re happy the way things are, and it’s up to you to fit in with us, not the other way round…’ He glared at the blond, but it only seemed to make Robert more amused.

‘Alright, alright,’ Robert said. ‘Why don’t you show me round then? I don’t know where anything is in this place.’

 

_________________________

 

Half an hour later, Robert’s guided tour had more or less been concluded. Aaron and Finn had walked him around the building and its grounds, Finn talking most of the time and giving Robert a fully detailed account of how everything worked there.

Aaron had trudged round a few metres behind, not feeling the need to add anything to the conversation as Finn seemed to have it all covered.

The three of them sat on a bench in the sun, just in front of the building.

‘So how many people are here altogether then?’ Robert asked.

‘Students you mean?’ Finn replied. ‘About thirty, I think. And there are six leaders, as well as Marion, the head. You’ll get to know them all soon…’

‘And are all the students… you know, gay?’

Aaron felt a shiver down his spine at hearing the word that was never used here. Finn looked too aghast to answer, so he spoke instead.

‘We don’t use that word,’ he explained. ‘But yeah, everyone is here because they’ve suffered from same sex attraction.’

Robert looked amused again. ‘You what?’ he grinned. ‘Is that what you call it here? Sounds very clinical.’

‘It’s an affliction,’ Finn said solemnly. ‘Like being an alcoholic or a drug addict. What’s great about this place is that no-one blames you for suffering from SSA, and everyone wants to help you get better.’

Robert frowned for a moment, then sighed. ‘Bloody hell,’ he said gloomily. ‘And you all go along with this idea that it can be cured?’

Finn nodded with certainty, and Robert looked at Aaron.

Aaron shrugged. He desperately wanted to believe he could be cured. He didn’t want to endure the feelings he had for other boys and men, and he was working hard to get over his SSA. Since arriving at the facility, he hadn’t felt attracted to anyone there – male or female – and he hoped this was a step on his road to recovery. He didn’t feel ready to test his feelings out in society yet though, there was still along way to go. But Aaron was prepared to trust in the programme, work hard and conquer his inappropriate feelings.

He looked Robert in the eye. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘We believe in it.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert attends his first counselling session and it doesn't go well.

‘… and I really think that’s where my problems started, when my parents got divorced and I lost faith in the sanctity of heterosexual marriage…’

Robert unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn as some pious girl droned on about the causes of her ‘same sex attraction’, as they all called it. He was sitting in a group therapy meeting with a leader, Cathy, where the students were invited to share their inner thoughts and feelings, and Robert thought he might die of boredom.

He was only vaguely listening when he heard his name spoken by the leader.

‘…from Robert, our newest member, but we don’t expect you to share without having heard from others in the group first. Um, Aaron, you haven’t spoken for a while – perhaps you’d like to talk a bit about some of the reasons behind your same sex attraction, so that Robert can have an idea of the sort of thing we like to share in these meetings?’

Robert sat up in his chair and looked at the shy brunette. Since his arrival yesterday, he’d learned that Aaron was a grumpy, unsociable person who liked to keep himself to himself. This was in sharp contrast to Finn, their other roommate, who never seemed to stop talking, and about whom Robert felt he knew every tiny detail. Aaron had been very private, and Robert really hadn’t learned anything about his background, so he was interested to hear him talk now.

Aaron cleared his throat and shuffled uncomfortable in his chair. It was clear that this was difficult for him, but he seemed to force himself to take part.

‘Er… well I live in a small town with my Dad. It’s just me and him, my Mum left when I was eight. She was young, and… she wanted a different life I suppose…’ 

Cathy nodded encouragingly. 

‘My Dad’s a vicar, so I was brought up to believe in God, and Dad always made it clear that homosexuality is a sin… so I don’t blame him for encouraging it…’

‘Your father tried to show you the correct path,’ the leader spoke kindly. ‘So what do you think caused the unnatural feelings to appear?’

Robert felt a knot grow tighter in his stomach. He shouldn’t be here, he didn’t believe in what everyone was saying. Poor Aaron looked so miserable, trying to account for his sexuality, and Robert just felt sorry for him as he continued.

‘I…I suppose it was my Mum leaving,’ he said. ‘I didn’t have a good model of a happy couple to follow, and I grew up missing that female presence. So I ended up… maybe fearing women?... which lead me to feel attraction to men instead…’

Aaron looked up at the leader, as if looking for approval, and Robert wondered how much Aaron actually believed of what he’d said, and how much had been put in his head at this place.

In any case, the leader looked pleased. ‘Thank you, Aaron,’ she said, smiling. ‘I know it’s not easy to share your thoughts with everyone, so I’ll stop you there.’

Then she turned to Robert. ‘Now, Robert, are you ready to start talking about your background yet? There’s no pressure to do it today, but the sooner you can start joining in, the better, if you’re up to it?’

Shit. Robert wasn’t prepared for this, and he had no idea how to talk about the ‘causes’ of his feelings for men. As far as he was concerned, he was born that way and he would probably always be that way. He wondered whether to make something up to please the group.

‘Um, I’ve never thought about it really,’ he said.

‘Well, just start by telling us a bit about your background.’

Robert sighed. ‘I grew up on a farm. I’ve got a brother who was adopted when we were kids, and a little sister. My Mum died years ago, so my Dad brought us up, he’s a farmer…’ 

He looked around to see everyone’s faces turned expectantly towards him. 

‘Ok, er, I don’t get on with my brother, mainly because he’s Dad’s favourite, and I’ve always had a bad relationship with my Dad. My little sister’s great though… is that enough about them?’

Cathy smiled again. ‘You have to decide what’s relevant to your story, Robert,’ she said. ‘Perhaps you could say when you started experiencing same sex attraction?’

‘Right. Well, I’ve always fancied girls and I’ve had loads of girlfriends…’ 

There was a ripple of surprised giggling in the room at this. Robert grinned. He liked surprising people.

‘Yeah, and I had a girlfriend, Katie, until I came here. She’s really fit too…’

Robert thought he saw Aaron roll his eyes at this as Cathy interrupted him. ‘So why are you here?’

Robert leaned back in his chair. Part of him wanted to shock all these prissy idiots, but there was a tiny part of him that wanted to believe that he could actually be cured. He decided there was no reason to lie, so he might as well tell the truth and see what happened. 

‘My Dad caught me with a guy who worked on the farm… I mean, we were kissing… more than kissing… we were doing… things together… and he walked in on us.’

This confession was met with silence from the group. In spite of himself, Robert began to feel uncomfortably warm and he guessed his face was turning red.

‘And how did your father react?’

Robert suddenly felt fed up with this. His life wasn’t a story with a moral to be learned from, and it wasn’t something he wanted to share with these strangers either.

‘Look, what do you want me to say? I kissed a boy because my Mum’s dead? I sucked him off because I don’t get on with my Dad? That’s bullshit, he was just a hot guy who turned me on…’

There were several gasps and Robert knew he’d gone too far. Cathy stopped smiling and looked stern as she stood up.

‘That’s enough for today’s session I think,’ she said. ‘Robert, wait behind please.’

Robert felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment and anger as the other students left the room. Why did he have to lose his cool in front of them all? He knew he’d probably be at this place for a while, and now he was probably never going to make any friends, he was alienating everyone.

When they’d gone, the leader sat down again.

‘That was inappropriate language,’ she said. ‘I commend your honesty, but you need to choose your words more carefully. This is a Christian institution and you insult God and all of us when you speak in that way.’

Robert was ashamed and he kept his head bowed.

‘I know this is all new to you and it takes some getting used to, so I’m not going to punish you for what you said,’ she went on. ‘But it mustn’t happen again. OK?’

Robert nodded, feeling like a naughty toddler.

As Robert walked back to his room, he was still embarrassed about what had happened. He wondered whether he should apologise to everyone in the group for causing the session to be cut short. He’d seen the looks on some of their faces as they walked out, several of them looking angry with him, including Aaron and Finn.

Robert decided he would apologise to his two roommates at least. He got to his room and pushed open the door, but the moment he walked through it, he found himself being grabbed and pushed up against the wall. Aaron’s angry face was a few centimetres from his, and his hands were gripping the front of Robert’s jacket and holding him in place.

‘This is all just a fucking joke to you, isn’t it?’ Aaron breathed furiously. ‘Well it’s not a joke to me. I’ve worked hard and I need those therapy sessions to get myself cured so I can get out of here. Right? So I’m not going to sit back and watch you take the piss…’

Robert felt his own anger rise at this little tirade. He wasn’t about to be told what to do by this nutcase. He brought his hands up and managed to shove Aaron away.

‘Fuck you,’ he spat, angrily. ‘You don’t tell me what to do… I’ll say whatever I like in those stupid bullshit sessions. You’re all lying to yourselves anyway…’

Aaron glared at him, enraged, and Robert wondered if he might be about to get a punch in the face. But then Finn got up from where he’d been sitting on his bed – Robert hadn’t even realised he was in the room – and put a calming hand on Aaron’s arm.

‘Leave it, Aaron,’ he said. ‘He’s trying to wind you up. Just ignore him…’

Robert and Aaron maintained eye contact for a few more moments, both breathing heavily and glaring at each other, until Aaron turned away and nodded at Finn.

‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘He’s not worth the effort.’

As the two boys ignored him, Robert couldn’t decide who he was most angry with; Aaron for trying to tell him what to do, Finn for stopping them from fighting it out, or himself for making such a gigantic mess of everything.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron sticks his nose into Robert's business.

Aaron was in a bad mood as he walked to the dining room. He’d been waiting all week to speak to his Dad on the phone, to tell him how well he was doing. Aaron hoped to impress his Dad with his commitment to getting better, and he’d looked forward to the call. But when he rang, his Dad was in a rush to go out somewhere and had barely given Aaron a couple of minutes of his time. Aaron was fed up with his efforts going unnoticed.

He got a tray of food and sat down at an empty table, deliberately avoiding company. From across the room he heard a smug, booming laugh which he recognised as belonging to that idiot Robert. Aaron looked up to see Robert sitting with Zoe, a striking black girl with cropped hair and sharp features. Aaron knew Zoe was a troublemaker and someone who rebelled against a lot of the teachings, so he wasn’t surprised that she and Robert seemed to have become friends. 

Robert had been here for a couple of weeks now, and since the incident in group therapy, he and Aaron had barely spoken, despite their room situation. Whenever they were in their bedroom together, Finn was usually there too, and Aaron tried not to speak to Robert at all. They didn’t have lessons together, as Robert was older and studying at a higher level, and they kept apart the rest of the time. 

Robert let out another burst of loud, annoying laughter, and Aaron grimaced.

‘Wonder what they’re up to…’ came a voice.

Aaron turned to see Finn sitting next to him. So much for wanting to have some time on his own…

Aaron ate his dinner not really listening as Finn talked about something or other, and he kept half an eye on Robert and Zoe. They joked around for a while longer, then Aaron thought they seemed to become conspiratorial. Their heads were close together and they kept looking around, as if to make sure there were no leaders near them. Aaron wondered what they were up to.

He’d almost finished his food when the two of them stood up together, picked up their rucksacks, and walked out. Aaron hurriedly gulped down his last mouthful and stood.

‘I’ve got to go,’ he mumbled though his food to Finn. 

Aaron went out of the dining room and saw Zoe disappearing round a corner. He waited a moment before following a short distance behind. Robert and Zoe seemed to be as thick as thieves as they sloped out of the building into the dark evening. They walked round the back of the garage where the mini-buses were kept, and through a small gap in the fence.

Aaron couldn’t help but be impressed at their daring as he watched Zoe, then Robert squeeze through the gap and into the outside world. Going off campus without permission was strictly forbidden. Although the leaders here were fairly lenient, Aaron knew this was a punishable offence. He looked around him several times to check the coast was clear, before climbing through the gap himself.

Aaron followed the shadowy figures through a field, then along a quiet road. Eventually they turned a corner and Aaron saw their destination – a brightly lit off licence. They were trying to buy alcohol. Not wanting to be caught by Robert and Zoe, Aaron turned around and headed back to the house. He sat and waited by the garage.

About ten minutes later, Robert and Zoe appeared, again sneaking through the gap quietly. Aaron walked up to them.

‘I suppose the rules don’t apply to you two,’ he said loudly.

Both Robert and Zoe jumped at the sound of his voice.

‘Jesus, Aaron, you nearly gave me a heart attack,’ Robert said, breathing heavily.

Aaron wanted to hit him. ‘You know if you get caught it’ll be bad for all of us,’ he said. ‘When people break the rules, we all get punished… but I wouldn’t expect you to care. So bloody selfish.’

‘Hey, goody-two-shoes,’ Zoe interrupted, ‘Just because you want to be teacher’s pet doesn’t mean it’s any of your business what we do. Were you spying on us?’

‘I’m not a goody-two-shoes,’ Aaron said angrily. ‘I just want to get cured and get out of here as soon as possible, and you two aren’t helping. My Dad keeps in touch with Marion, and if he finds out people have been sneaking out, he’ll think this place isn’t going to cure me, and then God knows what’ll happen…’

Robert looked confused. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked. 

Aaron sighed. ‘You know this place is actually pretty relaxed compared to some others. If they can’t cure my SSA here, Dad will probably send me somewhere a lot worse…’

Zoe shrugged. ‘Whatever,’ she said. ‘It’s not really our problem, is it?’

Aaron frowned, his anger rising again. ‘What’s in your bags?’ he said, bullishly. ‘Did they actually sell you alcohol?’

‘What on earth is going on here?’ came a voice from behind them. Aaron turned round and to his dismay, he saw John, one of the leaders, standing there. 

Robert and Zoe shifted about uncomfortably. None of the three said anything.

‘Well?’ John asked. ‘Who’s going to explain what’s happened?’

Aaron wasn’t a grass, so he kept quiet. Eventually Robert spoke.

‘It was me,’ he said. ‘I snuck out and went to the shop on the road. There’s a bottle of vodka in my rucksack. Zoe and Aaron just saw me coming back in.’

John looked at Aaron and Zoe. ‘Is this true?’ he said.

There was a brief pause before Zoe spoke. ‘No,’ she said moodily. ‘I went too. There’s another bottle of vodka in my bag. Aaron caught us both.’

‘Aaron?’ John said, looking at him sternly. ‘Were you with them or not?’

Aaron shook his head. He was furious with Robert and Zoe for getting him into this situation, but relieved that they’d owned up. A small part of him was beginning to feel guilty too – if he hadn’t stopped them, they probably wouldn’t have got caught.

John sent Aaron back to his room and told Robert and Zoe to go to the head’s office.

It was about an hour later when Robert came through the door of the bedroom. He looked fed up, and Aaron wasn’t sure whether to ask what had happened, as they barely spoke to each other most of the time. But as Robert lay back on top of his bed and stared at the wall, he started talking.

‘In case you’re wondering, Zoe and I aren’t allowed to hang out together anymore. We’re not allowed to sit with each other or talk to each other…’ he sighed angrily. ‘I’ve got to get up early to spend thirty minutes praying every morning for the rest of the week, and they’re going to give me work to do around the place during free periods.’

He turned to glare at Aaron. ‘So thanks for sticking your nose in, I hope you got what you wanted.’

Aaron didn’t say anything. He didn’t feel remotely good about any of it. He chewed his lip as he tried to ignore Robert completely and block out all thoughts of this stupid idiot who couldn’t seem to stay out of trouble.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron find themselves spending time together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny bit of homophobic language in this one.

Robert was woken by his alarm at six o’clock the next morning and he dragged himself out of bed and down to the chapel. There he was met by John, who gave him a bible and told him he could either read from it, or pray quietly for the next thirty minutes.

Robert knelt down and bowed his head, but rather than praying, he let his mind wander over the events of the previous night. What had Aaron been playing at trying to catch them out? It was none of his business, and if he’d left them alone, no-one would have got into trouble. Robert thought it was just his luck to get stuck with a roommate like this. How was he going to get through the next few weeks without his only friend? Robert didn’t really get on with anyone apart from Zoe, so he guessed he was going to be pretty lonely. And what did Aaron mean when he talked about being sent somewhere worse? What could be worse than this shithole?

After an eternity alone with his thoughts, Robert felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see John standing over him.

‘I hope this time of prayer and reflection will prove useful,’ he said, rather pompously Robert thought.

Robert nodded quickly and escaped to the dining hall to get breakfast.

It was a Saturday, which usually meant a free morning. But after he’d eaten, Robert had to report to a classroom to be given work to do. When he arrived, Marion was waiting for him, but he was surprised to see Aaron sitting there too.

‘Robert, I was going to give you a job clearing the garden,’ Marion said. ‘But something else has come up that perhaps you could help with. One of our mini-busses has broken down, and I’ve asked Aaron here to have a look at it, as he has some experience as a mechanic. I wondered if you could give him a hand?’

Robert looked at Aaron. The concept of Aaron having any sort of life experience or skills was news to Robert. He just seemed like a big moody child. Aaron frowned back, looking about as thrilled at the prospect of working together as Robert was.

Robert shrugged. ‘Fine,’ he said.

Ten minutes later they were in the garage. Aaron opened the bonnet of the minibus and started looking at the engine. Robert put up with the silence for a few minutes, but his curiosity soon got the better of him.

‘How come you know about cars?’ he asked.

‘My uncle’s a mechanic,’ came the terse reply from under the bonnet.

‘Oh.’ 

Robert let another minute or so elapse before he tried again.

‘How long have you been here?’

This time there was a sigh from under the bonnet before the reply came. ‘Four months.’

‘Ah.’

Determined to give it one last go, Robert tried another question.

‘What did you mean about there being worse places than this?’

 

There was a loud ‘clang’ as Aaron apparently dropped something on the floor, then his head reappeared from under the bonnet for the first time. He didn’t look very happy about it.

‘Eh?’

‘Last night. You said that if your Dad thought you weren’t going to be ‘cured’ here…’ at this point Robert mimed inverted commas with his fingers, ‘…then he’d send you somewhere worse. What other places are there?’

Aaron looked as though he was making up his mind whether to bother replying or not. Then he said, ‘There are lots of places that do conversion therapy, and some of them are much stricter than this. Dad sent me here because he knew Marion and liked her, but he said that if it didn’t work, there are places where you get a lot less freedom, there’s more religion involved, and the punishments for breaking rules are worse. I dunno, I’m not an expert, but if Dad sends me to one of those places…’

Aaron trailed off, looking miserable. Robert felt a pang of sympathy for him. He seemed lost and unsure of himself.

‘Do you actually believe in this though, Aaron?’ he asked. Robert genuinely wanted to know. ‘Do you really think you can be cured of being gay?’

Aaron shrugged. ‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘Cos no way am I living the rest of my life as a poof.’

Robert let out an involuntary bark of laughter at the playground insult. It seemed so incongruous with where they were, with everyone’s quietly respectful talk of ‘SSA’, refusing to make any direct reference to homosexuality.

‘Why is the prospect of being gay so terrible?’

Aaron wrinkled his nose in confusion. ‘You what?’ he said. ‘If you’re so comfortable with it, why are you here?’

Robert paused. He was still coming to terms with his own feelings and found it hard to explain how he felt. He wasn’t about to start coming out to people or go on a Pride march any time soon, but part of him wondered why he was supposed to feel so ashamed of something that seemed pretty harmless. 

He shrugged. ‘My Dad sent me here,’ he said. ‘He said if I refused to come, he’d cut me off. How am I supposed to finish my A levels with no home and no money? Where would I go? I didn’t have a choice.’

There was another pause and then Aaron put his head back under the bonnet again and started fiddling with the engine. He seemed to think the conversation was over, but Robert wasn’t going to sit here in silence doing nothing all morning.

‘So… have you got any brothers or sisters?’ he said.

Aaron stopped what he was doing, heaved an exaggerated sigh of frustration and fixed his piercing blue eyes on Robert.

‘No.’ he said bluntly. Then he scratched his eyebrow and said, ‘Why are you asking all the questions, nosy?’

Robert raised his arms in a gesture of openness. ‘Ask away…’ 

Aaron thought for a moment then said, ‘Was it all true, what you said?’

‘What?’

‘In your first week. In the therapy session, all that stuff about that bloke on the farm and your Dad catching you.’

‘Yep. All true.’

Aaron considered this for a moment, then went on. ‘Is it true that you’ve got a girlfriend?’

‘Katie? Yeah, well she was my girlfriend until she found out I’d been caught in the hay with the farmhand…’

‘Oh. So, how did she find out?’

‘Andy told her. That’s my brother’.

‘Why would he do that?’

Robert leaned back, resting his backside on a work bench. ‘Two reasons – number one, he hates me, and number two, he fancies her. I think they’re going out together now…’

‘So… the stuff that you did in the barn with that bloke really happened?’

Robert wasn’t sure how to convince Aaron. ‘Yes it happened!’, he said in frustration. ‘I wouldn’t make it up, would I? Why do you find it so hard to believe?’

Suddenly, Aaron smirked. ‘Because it’s completely fucking outrageous!’ and to Robert’s amazement, Aaron started laughing. Robert wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Aaron crack a smile, let alone laugh. The sullen face was completely transformed and Robert couldn’t help grinning at the sight. It was delightful to make this boy smile and laugh, and Robert knew he’d have to do it again. 

When Aaron had stopped laughing, Robert spoke again. ‘How did you get found out then?’

‘Nothing as exciting as that!’ Aaron grinned. Then he became serious. ‘My Dad found a couple of magazines in my bedroom.’ He saw Robert’s expression, and hastily added ‘Not porn! Just gay magazines, you know, and a flyer for a gay pub I’d never even been to… we had a long talk, and he suggested this place. It was a joint decision to come here, I mean I agreed because I want to be cured.’

Robert couldn’t help but feel troubled by the way Aaron kept talking about ‘cures’. It seemed to Robert that Aaron just needed to accept his sexuality and be happy with himself, but Robert was no expert on that matter.

‘Do you ever see your Mum?’ he asked instead.

Aaron shook his head. ‘Not for a couple of years now. I used to see her quite a bit – her brother’s my Uncle Cain who owns a garage and he’s the one who got me interested in cars. But she stopped getting in touch…’

Something rang a bell in Robert’s brain and he frowned at Aaron. ‘Cain?’ he said. ‘Where are you from?’

‘York,’ Aaron answered. ‘But Cain lived in a little village called Emmerdale, near my Mum.’

‘No way!’ Robert couldn’t believe it. ‘That’s where I’m from!’ he said excitedly. ‘My Dad’s farm is just outside Emmerdale, and I know Cain’s garage. Bloody hell, what’s your Mum’s name?’

‘Chas,’ said Aaron. ‘She used to work in a pub, I don’t know if she still does…’

‘Is it the Woolpack? That’s the pub in the village,’ Robert said eagerly. ‘My Dad drinks in there sometimes, but I’ve never been there.’

Aaron nodded. ‘I guess so,’ he said. ‘Wow, that’s weird.’ He looked at his watch. ‘Right, enough chatting, I’d better sort this car out. I think I know what’s wrong…’

He went back to work, and Robert spent an enjoyable half an hour or so in more companionable silence now. He wasn’t much help, just passing Aaron the odd tool every now and then, but the atmosphere between them was a lot better than it had been.

When Aaron had finished, he closed the bonnet and sat back on it.

‘All done,’ he said, looking pleased with himself.

Robert thought it was great to see Aaron taking pride in himself, and he grinned. ‘Good job I was here…’

Aaron rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, don’t think I could have managed without you…’

Robert grin got wider. He felt that he was seeing a new side of Aaron, and he liked spending time with this version. 

He realised he’d been looking at Aaron for too long when Aaron blinked and said, ‘What?’

Robert stopped thinking altogether as he gazed into Aaron’s stunning blue eyes, leant forwards and put a hand gently on Aaron’s thigh.

As soon as his hand made contact, Robert knew he’d made a terrible mistake. Aaron flinched immediately as though his leg had been touched with a hot iron. He leapt back away from Robert looking horrified.

‘What… what the fuck are you doing?’ Aaron gasped.

Robert felt terrible. ‘I… I’m sorry…’ he muttered, but Aaron was already marching out of the garage. The door slammed behind him and Robert bit his lip tensely. No doubt he’d got himself into trouble again…


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron struggles to cope with his feelings. 
> 
> *WARNING FOR SELF-HARM AND SELF-LOATHING IN THIS CHAPTER*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite dark, as Aaron battles against his sexuality. If you don't want to read about Aaron beginning to self harm, please skip to the next chapter. The story will carry on from Robert's perspective and you'll be able to pick it up from there.

Aaron marched out of the garage as fast as he could. His head was spinning and he had no idea where he was going. What the hell had just happened? This place was supposed to be a haven from the parts of his nature he was desperately trying to leave behind, and now he was confronted with his unwanted feelings in a way that had never happened on the outside.

Aaron stopped walking and looked around, unsure of what to do. He was in front of the chapel, so he opened the door and went in. He knew it was unlikely that anyone would be in here on a Saturday, but he walked in cautiously just in case, not wanting anyone to see him like this. The building seemed to be empty, so he grabbed a bible and sat down on a pew.

He tried to control his emotions as he held onto the bible tightly and started praying. Aaron prayed for the strength to fight temptation, and he prayed for forgiveness for the feelings that had been reawakened.

Over the past few weeks, Aaron had become confident that he was winning the battle against his SSA, as he busied himself with other things like his studies; involved himself in ‘masculine’ activities, such as playing football; and threw himself into a Christian way of life, seeking comfort and support in God. He hadn’t thought about boys in that way for so long, he really thought he was making progress.

But today that had all been thrown away in an instant. When Robert had looked into his eyes, Aaron had seen something there, something that looked a lot like lust. And that had stirred feelings up in Aaron. He couldn’t deny, at least to himself, that in that moment, there had been an attraction to Robert. After all this time, thinking he was getting better, Aaron had been derailed by a fucking idiot.

He dragged his sleeve across his cheek to wipe away the tears that he couldn’t seem to stop from leaking out. Everything was going wrong all of a sudden. 

Aaron stayed in the chapel all day, replaying what had happened with Robert over and over again in his head. He heard the bell ringing for lunch at some point and ignored it. Eventually the chapel started to grow dark as the sun went down outside the large windows. Aaron didn’t want to go to his room and risk facing Robert, but he knew he’d have to at some point.

So eventually he dragged himself up and walked out of the chapel. As soon as he opened the door to his room, he saw that both Finn and Robert were there, lying on their beds ignoring each other. Finn was reading a book, but Robert was just looking at the wall. When he saw Aaron walk in, he jumped to his feet.

‘Aaron… I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have…’

‘Shut up,’ Aaron growled, going to his own bed. 

Finn looked up. ‘What happened?’ he looked at Robert. ‘What did you do?’

Robert ignored Finn. ‘Aaron, please,’ he said quietly. ‘I swear, I’ll never…’

Aaron couldn’t stand to hear Robert’s pathetic pleading. The sound of the older boy’s voice made Aaron’s stomach twist until he thought he would throw up. He couldn’t stand any more of it, and he quickly stood up and strode angrily out of the room again. Aaron had no real idea what he was doing, but he found himself in the bathroom. 

Aaron, Robert and Finn had to use a communal bathroom which they shared with about eight other boys who slept on the same corridor. To Aaron’s huge relief, there was no-one else in there this evening. He gripped the sides of a wash basin and looked at himself in the mirror. 

He didn’t want to be this person any more. The boy in the mirror was a failure, unable to succeed at the most basic task of living a normal life. Aaron hated the image that grimaced at him in the mirror, he just wanted to be rid of this personality. 

Pain and anger seemed to bubble up in his chest until he couldn’t stand it any longer, and he suddenly heard a loud crashing noise and felt a searing pain in his right hand. 

The anger faded as rapidly as it had begun, and as he calmed down, Aaron gradually realised that there were cuts on his fingers. He looked around him to see that the mirror was smashed and there were pieces of it all over the floor. 

Aaron was horrified. Had he done that? Had he really torn the mirror down from the wall and smashed it? There was no other explanation. 

He stared at his bloody hands. The pain was strangely grounding, and felt almost like a release from the torment he’d been feeling all day. Aaron grimaced as he flexed his fingers and revelled in the way the cuts stung him. He looked at the broken shards of glass around him. 

Feeling a sense of calm begin to descend as he started to take control of the situation, he picked up one of the jagged shards, pulled up the sleeve of his top, and held the broken piece of mirror to his arm…


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to make amends with Aaron.

Robert woke up the following day with a hollow feeling in his stomach. It only took a few seconds to remember what had prompted that feeling – he’d made a move on Aaron. It hadn’t been much, just a hand on his leg, but Robert knew that they’d both been aware of the intensity of the moment. He hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t thought about Aaron like that until they started chatting and joking in the garage. Then he’d looked into Aaron’s eyes and…

Shit. Robert wished he could go back in time and stop himself. Not only had he made an idiot of himself, and probably put himself in danger of being kicked out, but he’d also seen the fear and panic in Aaron’s eyes. Robert couldn’t stand the thought that he’d confused or upset the shy, gruff boy who was now asleep a few metres away.

Robert knew that Aaron would be in turmoil now, trying to deal with his feelings. He’d seen the lust in Aaron’s eyes clearly enough to realise that Aaron had felt something between them too. And that would probably have come as a horrible shock to Aaron. Robert needed to make things right here, but he had no idea where to start... 

He flinched as an alarm sounded loudly in the room, and watched Finn roll over in his bed and fumble for his phone to turn it off. 

A moment later, Finn got up and left the room, presumably headed for the bathroom. Robert guessed Aaron was awake, he couldn’t have slept through that alarm. He took a deep breath then called out softly.

‘Aaron?’

There was no response.

‘Aaron,’ he tried a bit louder.

The figure in the other bed turned over, then pulled down the duvet and sat up. Aaron rubbed his eyes but didn’t look at Robert or reply.

‘Aaron, please talk to me,’ Robert begged. ‘Look, I said I’m sorry, can we just forget it? I made a mistake…’

‘Just keep away from me,’ came a gruff voice. 

Aaron refused to look in Robert’s direction as he got out of bed and slipped into a dressing gown.

Robert really wanted to have a proper talk with Aaron. He wanted to tell him that he liked him, that he thought they could be friends, and that he would never overstep the line again. But he couldn’t have that conversation when Aaron couldn’t even look at him. He sighed and decided to leave it for now.

‘If that’s what you want…’ he said. 

‘Yeah it is,’ Aaron snapped, turning his back to Robert to put some socks on. 

The door opened and Finn came back in. Conversation over.

……………..

‘…but now I know I’m ready to accept God’s help and become a stronger person...’

Robert stifled a yawn as one of the older boys whose name he didn’t know droned on about his ‘journey’. He’d been in this session for over half an hour, listening to these people talk about the progress they were making at fighting ‘same-sex-attraction’ and he wondered how much longer he’d have to sit there, pretending to be interested. 

‘That’s wonderful, Josh,’ said Cathy, the leader. ‘Thank you for sharing those personal thoughts with us all, I’m sure your story will help others here. We can all learn from each other, and the journey you have been on shows that everyone can find light at the end of their tunnel, if they want it and work for it.’

She looked around the circle, and as she caught Robert’s eye, he looked quickly at the floor. He hadn’t been asked to speak in any of these sessions since making a fool of himself in the first one. But as he glanced up, he knew that Cathy’s eyes were still on him, and she wasn’t going to let him stay quiet for another session.

‘Robert,’ she said warmly. ‘You haven’t been here long, but perhaps there’s something you could share with the group about your time here? How have your feelings started to change since you arrived? What progress have you made so far?’

The sound of expectant silence was ringing in Robert’s ears. He looked up and realised that every face in the room was watching him. Every face except one – Aaron was staring at the floor, his cheeks slightly pinker than usual, although no-one else would have noticed.

Robert sighed. He knew he had to give them something. But what was he supposed to say? He hadn’t made any so-called ‘progress’ since he’d arrived, he was attracted to boys as well as girls, and that hadn’t changed. His clumsy advance towards Aaron had proved that. He supposed he ought to make something up.

‘Ok…’ he cleared his throat and thought quickly. ‘Well, before I came here… I liked girls as well as boys, and I used to see people in the street or on TV or whatever and think they looked attractive…’

Robert knew he was a pretty good liar, but he thought that if he looked in Aaron’s direction he’d betray himself, so he stared fixedly at Cathy while he wondered what to say next. He had to be convincing, but how much progress was he expected to have made in just a few weeks?

‘But now, when I watch TV or films and stuff… I, er, I mostly don’t notice the guys anymore… not like I used to anyway… I only look at the girls…’

Cathy was smiling encouragingly. She seemed to have bought the lie.

‘So I think it’s getting better. Being here is helping me to stop those thoughts…’

He tailed off hopelessly, and allowed himself a glance towards Aaron. He had several plasters on the fingers of both hands after a mirror had apparently fallen off the bathroom wall last night, and Aaron had cut himself trying to clear up the mess. He was staring at the floor, but the expression on his face was absolutely furious.

Cathy beamed. ‘That’s wonderful, Robert,’ she said. ‘And how exactly has being here helped you with that?’

Robert frantically tried to remember what sort of things other people said in these sessions when he wasn’t really listening.

‘Uh, I… ask for help from God, help with resisting temptation. I suppose I’ve learnt that I can conquer dark thoughts with God’s help, and the strength of those thoughts fades away the more I resist them.’

For a moment he was convinced Cathy would accuse him of parroting the clichés he’d heard so often from the other kids, but instead she seemed delighted.

‘Thank you Robert,’ she said. ‘I’m so glad you’re starting to make progress, I knew you would.’

Robert inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as she turned her attention away from him. 

‘Aaron,’ Cathy said. 

Robert tensed up again. He and everyone else looked at Aaron, who was still glaring at the floor, looking more angry than ever. 

‘You’ve been making excellent progress, Aaron, and you always have useful input on how you’ve been mastering your unwanted thoughts,’ Cathy went on. ‘Could we hear from you today?’

Robert held his breath as Aaron continued to stare silently at the floor. He gave no indication that he’d heard anything Cathy had said.

‘Aaron?’ Cathy said again. 

Robert was startled as Aaron suddenly stood up and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Everyone looked shocked.

‘I’ll go and see if he’s ok,’ Robert said quickly, getting to his feet and leaving the room before anyone could stop him.

He hurried into the corridor to see the door of the building closing, so he went outside. Aaron was striding across the garden towards a fence. 

‘Aaron,’ Robert yelled. ‘Aaron, wait!’

Aaron kept going until he got to the end of the garden. He stopped and sat down on a bench, putting his head in his hands.

Robert caught up and sat down next to Aaron. He wondered what to say. He couldn’t apologise again, he’d done that enough.

‘Are you ok?’ he tried.

Aaron looked up and glared at Robert.

‘That was a load of bullshit,’ he snarled. ‘Everything you said in there about progress, absolute bollocks. It was so obvious, I can’t believe anyone fell for it…’

Neither could Robert. ‘What was I supposed to say?’ he asked, defensively. ‘If I’d told the truth I would have got in trouble. And you would have been angry with me. I had to say something…’

‘You’re full of shit.’

Robert had no reply to that. He just nodded. 

‘Why did you walk out?’ he asked. 

Aaron scoffed. His face was full of contempt as he spoke to Robert.

‘Because of you. I WAS making progress, and everything was fine, until you came along and…’ he breathed in sharply and Robert realised that Aaron was trying not to cry.

‘You ruined everything. I wish you’d never come here and I want you to just fuck off.’

Robert heart sank. The last thing he’d wanted was to cause so much anguish for poor Aaron.

‘I’m sorry…’ he said hopelessly. ‘Look, I’ll just leave you alone, ok? I won’t speak to you unless I really have to, and you can get back to where you were with your… progress…’

Aaron nodded. ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘I don’t want anything to do with you. You’re a liar and a fake and I hate you.’

He stood up as if to leave.

Aaron’s words were hurtful. Robert really liked him, and he couldn’t stand the thought that Aaron thought so little of him. He wanted to help Aaron, so Aaron went to march off again, Robert reached a hand out to grab Aaron’s arm and stop him.

‘Look, I…’ Robert began, but Aaron cried out in pain and clutched his arm.

Robert took a step back in surprise. He’d hardly touched Aaron, yet Aaron had reacted as if he’d been stung. ‘What’s wrong?’ Robert asked, confused.

‘Nothing,’ Aaron said, but he was rubbing his arm as if it hurt. He slumped back onto the bench. ‘I scraped my arm on something earlier…’

Robert leaned over. ‘Let’s have a look…’ he said and gently pulled Aaron’s sleeve up. 

‘No, it’s fine…’ Aaron protested, pulling the sleeve down. But Robert had already seen the cuts. There was a row of them across Aaron’s fore-arm. They didn’t look like random scrapes that had happened by accident. Robert felt nauseous as he realised that Aaron had probably cut himself on purpose.

They sat in silence for a while, Aaron rubbing his arm. Then Robert decided he would say something.

‘Aaron…’ he started.

‘Don’t.’ Aaron whispered. His voice was thick with emotion and Robert heard him let out a heavy sob.

Robert’s mind was spinning as he thought about Aaron hurting himself. Was this all Robert’s fault? He couldn’t bear the thought of it, how much Aaron must be struggling and trying to deny his feelings. Perhaps he should leave, or at least ask to be moved to a different bedroom. But selfishly, he didn’t want to. He liked Aaron and he wanted to help him.

‘Aaron,’ he tried again, but as soon as he spoke, Aaron stood up. 

‘Forget it,’ he said angrily. Then Aaron stomped off, leaving Robert alone on the bench.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron attend another counselling session, and Aaron is surprised by Robert's behaviour.

‘Come on Aaron,’ Finn said, ‘It’s time to get to this morning’s session.’

‘Yeah, I’ll catch you up,’ Aaron replied, as Finn left their room and hurried off. Robert had already gone. To Aaron’s relief, the older boy had kept to his word, and stayed out of Aaron’s way as much as he could over the last couple of days. Aaron had only seen Robert in the mornings and evenings in their room, and they hadn’t spoken at all.

Now he was alone, Aaron pulled up his sleeve and looked at the cuts on his arm. The marks had faded now, but he knew they would leave scars. He sighed. Why had he done it? Now Robert had seen, what must he have thought? It seemed to Aaron that Robert was not the sort of person to doubt himself or suffer from anxiety. Aaron found it so hard to cope with the feelings he had, while Robert just breezed through life, full of easy confidence.

Aaron wondered how Robert really felt about his same sex attraction. It obviously hadn’t bothered him when he’d made a move on Aaron. Could Robert really be happy with his sexuality? And if he was, how was he going to make any progress here? Surely he’d never be able to get well enough to be allowed to leave if he wasn’t prepared to show any regret or remorse for his behaviour.

Aaron decided he didn’t really have the headspace to spend too much thought on Robert at the moment. He pulled his sleeve down and headed off to another group discussion.

As he walked through the door, the session was about to start. He sat down in an empty chair among the circle, next to Finn and almost directly opposite Robert, who was sitting next to Zoe. The two of them seemed to have become friendly again despite having not been allowed to spend time together after the escape incident. 

‘Just in time,’ said John, who was leading the session. He looked around the group. ‘Today I’d like us to focus on family relationships, in particular your relationships with parents,’ he went on. ‘For many of you, this might have been something you’ve struggled with, and for some of you this will no doubt have been instrumental in causing your same sex attraction. By exploring some of the problems you’ve experienced, I hope you’ll be able to better understand these causes, which of course is part of the healing process…’

Aaron was paying close attention. He was desperate to do better since he’d gone off track, and he had a lot to say about his Dad and his lack of a Mum. Although he generally hated sharing his private life with other people, today he was wondering whether he should volunteer to go first. But then John spoke again.

‘Robert, I hear from Cathy that you made some good progress in your recent session with her – perhaps you could start us off today?’

Robert looked up, surprised. Aaron could see Robert was in no way keen to talk about anything, as usual. But Robert gave a small sigh and nodded his head.

‘Where do you want me to start?’ he asked.

‘Why don’t you tell us about your parents in general, and we’ll take it from there?’ John suggested.

Aaron thought Robert looked pretty pissed off at this idea, and he wondered whether Robert was going to lie his way through another session.

‘Well I told you before that my Mum died, so there’s just my Dad looking after me and my brother and sister. We haven’t got a good relationship really, he’s a farmer, he wants me to work on the farm but I’ve got no desire to spend my life milking cows or cleaning up piles of pig poo, that’s really not my style, as you can probably tell…’

Robert grinned and a couple of people smiled. His flippant attitude really got on Aaron’s nerves. It seemed as though he still thought this was all a laugh, and that made Aaron feel as though Robert was mocking him and the others. He scowled at his feet as Robert went on.

‘So we haven’t got much in common, and yeah, we’ve got a difficult relationship…’

Robert tailed off and looked at John for a prompt. ‘Ok,’ John said, ‘so do you argue a lot or tend to ignore each other?’

Robert smirked. ‘Oh we argue,’ he said. ‘We argue all the time about everything. Dad wants me to spend my life in that village working on the farm, but I’ve got bigger ideas. I want a career, money, a flash car and a big house…’

What a tosser, Aaron thought.

John looked serious. ‘That’s interesting,’ he nodded earnestly. ‘So you have a confrontational relationship?’ 

Robert nodded.

‘And how has your father reacted to your SSA? Did you argue about that?’

There was a pause and Aaron looked up at Robert. He was biting his lip and beginning to look uncomfortable now. His cheeks were just starting to go red.

‘Yes.’

John waited for Robert to expand on this.

Eventually Robert gave a huge, angry sigh then spoke again. ‘He found out when he caught me with a boy, I told that story before. He was furious, of course he was otherwise I wouldn’t have been sent here, would I?’

Aaron could see that Robert was getting really annoyed now, but at least he wasn’t lying and he’d lost the cocky attitude.

‘Was there an argument then?’ John probed. ‘Did you discuss it or did he get angry?’

‘Yes there was a bloody argument,’ Robert said, raising his voice and turning redder. ‘He went crazy. He shouted and I shouted back, and then he hit me, and he kicked me and he beat the fucking shit out of me…’

Robert stopped yelling and burst into tears. He put his hands up to cover his face as he sobbed furiously. Aaron couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Perhaps Robert wasn’t as self-assured as he tried to make out.

John looked surprised too, and everyone sat there awkwardly, not saying anything. Then Zoe moved her chair closer to Robert and reached an arm around him, rubbing his back gently.

‘It’s ok,’ she said quietly. ‘You’re ok, Robert.’

Robert leaned into her and wiped his eyes with his hands, trying to regain his composure.

He looked so vulnerable for once, Aaron thought. Robert’s face was red and blotchy and his hands were trembling as he rubbed the tears away. 

Several thoughts occurred to Aaron as he sat opposite this more relatable version of Robert. He thought how surprised he was but also a little relieved that Robert too suffered from anxieties about his sexuality. He also thought that Robert would probably be feeling defensive about his outburst now, and regret letting everyone see him like that. But most of all Aaron thought how much he wished he was the one with his arm round Robert, comforting him, because in this moment that was all he wanted to do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron goes after Robert and they talk.

Robert sat down on a bench at the bottom of the garden, as far away from the building and the others as he could get. He felt embarrassed. He’d made such a fool of himself, bawling his eyes out like a toddler in front of everyone. He hated himself for being so weak and emotional.

After his little outburst, John had suggested they all take a break, and Robert had been the first one to leave the room. He’d heard Zoe calling after him, but then heard John telling her to give him some space, and Robert was grateful for that. He just wanted to be on his own for a while and get his head together.

Robert couldn’t understand why he’d lost control of himself so completely. He was usually so good at keeping everything buried deep inside, portraying the confident, happy, charming man he desperately wanted to be. What had he been thinking, letting that mask slip in a room filled with people…?

The sound of footsteps behind him made him turn around, and there was Aaron walking towards him. Robert frowned.

‘I thought we were supposed to keep away from each other,’ he said harshly.

But to Robert’s surprise, Aaron sat down next to him on the bench. Robert didn’t know what to say, so he just stared straight in front of him at the view of trees and fields.

After a minute or so, Aaron spoke. ‘Are you alright?’ he asked gruffly.

Robert was relieved that Aaron wasn’t about to get angry with him again. He really wasn’t in the mood for another argument.

‘Yeah,’ he said, expressionlessly. ‘Course I am. I’m always alright.’

‘Well, you didn’t seem it in there,’ Aaron said, but the tone of his voice was sympathetic rather than sarcastic. If Robert hadn’t known better, he might almost have thought that Aaron cared.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while longer, the only sound was of Aaron biting his nails. He seemed to be thinking hard before he spoke again. ‘Didn’t expect you to talk like that,’ he said. ‘You usually seem so sorted and…. cool about everything…’

‘Well you don’t know me, do you?’ Robert said, turning to look at Aaron. He couldn’t really see the point of this, as Aaron had previously insisted that Robert mustn’t talk to him and they’d spent the last week trying to avoid each other.

‘What… what are you doing, Aaron?’ he said in frustration. ‘I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me, so why are sitting here together having a chat?’

Robert thought Aaron might storm off, but he didn’t move. Then he looked at Robert. Aaron’s eyes were full of sympathy and concern, and Robert knew they were the most beautiful, soulful eyes he’d ever seen.

‘It’s good that you said all that, you know,’ Aaron said softly. ‘You need to be honest and let your emotions out, it’ll help you. People are going to care about you more if you tell them how you really feel…’

Robert scoffed. ‘I don’t care what people think about me,’ he lied. ‘I just wish I hadn’t acted like a total dickhead in there. People must think I’m cracking up, and now John will want me to ‘open up’ every session… well he’s going to be disappointed because that won’t happen again.’

Aaron sighed. ‘You know you can’t just keep shutting all your feelings away and refusing to join in with anything,’ he said. ‘How do you think you’ll ever get out of here if you don’t show them that you’re joining in? You have to show that you’ve made progress or you’re going to be stuck here forever…’

Robert scoffed. ‘They can’t keep me a prisoner here,’ he smirked. ‘When I’m eighteen I’ll be able to leave.’

‘And then what?’ Aaron said. ‘Do you think you can go back home to your Dad?’

Robert’s smirk disappeared. He rubbed his face with his hands. ‘No.’ he said shortly. ‘But I’ll manage somehow. I’ll get a job and a place somewhere… I don’t know…’

There was another silence. Robert knew it would be hard to go back to Emmerdale, but he also knew with every fibre of his being that he wasn’t going to change. A few prayers and these constant discussion sessions were never going to stop him feeling attracted to men. And anyway, he didn’t really want to change. Yes he’d struggled with his feelings at times, and yes he knew his Dad couldn’t accept it, not at the moment anyway. But Robert didn’t think there was anything really wrong with being gay, queer or whatever. He wanted to be proud of who he was, not deny it.

‘I’m not like you Aaron,’ he said frankly. ‘I don’t believe in all this… I’m not sure I believe in God… I just want to get out there and live my life, whether it be with girlfriends or boyfriends, it doesn’t matter. I’m not looking to be cured.’

Aaron nodded but didn’t say anything.

Robert found himself wondering where Aaron’s strong sense of shame was coming from. He decided to poke his nose in. ‘Have you ever… you know, been with another boy?’ he asked.

‘Nothing like you and your farm-worker…’ Aaron smiled shyly. ‘I kissed a boy at school once. I didn’t even like him, but he was up for it, so I thought I’d try it…’ he shook his head. ‘It was pretty shit, to be honest.’

Robert grinned sympathetically. ‘I’ve had plenty of terrible kisses too,’ he said. ‘And… have you ever been with a girl?’

There was a long paused and Robert thought Aaron wasn’t going to answer. But then he gave a small nod.

‘I had a girlfriend a few months ago. Holly. She was nice, and we liked each other… but I just couldn’t…’ he bit his lip anxiously. ‘I dunno, I just didn’t fancy her at all.’

He looked at Robert. ‘You’re lucky you like girls as well as boys. At least you can have girlfriends and people will think you’re straight. You can get away with it if you want to.’

Robert frowned. ‘That’s not really how it works…’ he said, but he was confused enough himself about his own feelings, never mind trying to explain them to Aaron.

Aaron didn’t seem to be listening. ‘If I was like you that’s what I’d do,’ he said bitterly. ‘Find a girlfriend and stick with her, it’d solve all my problems. Why do you want to make things so difficult for yourself? You’ve got it easy compared to me.’

Robert could feel his anger rising. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said, ‘If I fall for a guy then I’m not going to just be able to pretend it didn’t happen and find a girlfriend instead. Do you think I just enjoy making my Dad hate me?’

Aaron looked at Robert again. ‘I’m sure he doesn’t hate you,’ he said. ‘He just wants you to be like everyone else…’

‘He hates me,’ Robert said miserably. He knew he sounded like a typical moody teenager but he couldn’t help it. ‘He made that clear when he attacked me. Did you know he gave me a broken rib after he caught me with Tom? Not to mention a black eye and a load of bruises…’

As Robert’s words tailed off, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Was this really Aaron trying to comfort him?

‘That must’ve been horrible,’ Aaron said. ‘Your Dad shouldn’t have done that to you. You didn’t deserve it…’

As Aaron patted Robert’s arm, Robert turned to look him in the eyes. When he did, he didn’t want to look away. Aaron’s eyes were so beautiful, and the expression on his face was so kind, Robert felt a real connection between them. Suddenly he desperately wanted to grab Aaron’s face with both hands and kiss him…

‘You need to go,’ he said hoarsely, tearing his eyes off Aaron. ‘If you don’t go now, I might do something I’ll regret…’

Aaron didn’t move at first, and Robert wondered if he could feel it too; the pull between them, the nameless force that seemed to draw them together…

But then Aaron breathed out quickly as if he’d been holding his breath, and he stood up and walked hurriedly away.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation with John leads Aaron to take action.

Aaron was relieved to see that no-one was in the chapel when he walked in. He’d come straight here from his conversation with Robert, once again in need of guidance after spending time with the older boy. 

He sat down on a pew and looked up at the figure of Christ on the wall in front of him. He tried to get his thoughts together… he’d wanted to check that Robert was ok because for some reason, he cared about how Robert felt. Then something had happened – they’d just been talking and then, without Aaron understanding how, the atmosphere had changed. All at once he’d found himself staring into Robert’s eyes, almost unable to look away, with some kind of energy he couldn’t explain crackling between them…

When they’d been together in the garage, Robert leaning towards Aaron and putting a hand on his leg had come completely out of the blue and shocked Aaron. But this time, they had both been equally captivated by each other…

Why was this happening now? Aaron had tried so hard to overcome his SSA and now he didn’t know how to feel. He had to admit to himself that he felt attracted to Robert, but now he was struggling to see what harm that was causing anyone. Was liking another boy like this really so terrible? If it wasn’t, then why did it make Aaron feel so ashamed?

Suddenly the door of the chapel creaked open and Aaron turned around, startled. John, the leader of the group session they’d just had walked in.

‘Aaron,’ he said warmly. ‘I thought I saw you come in here. I wondered if I could have a word?’

Aaron felt a frisson of panic. Had John noticed the attraction between him and Robert? Were they in trouble? He swallowed down his fears and nodded.

John walked over and sat next to Aaron.

‘I just wanted you to know that we’ve been really impressed by your progress, Aaron’, he said. ‘The other leaders and I have noticed that you’ve been working really hard to overcome your SSA, and you’re doing a great job.’

Aaron felt relief wash over him. No-one had noticed what had happened with Robert then, thank God. But at the same time, Aaron felt guilt, as he thought of his secret feelings for Robert. He was as much a fraud as the other boy. Here Aaron was being praised, while he kept a dirty secret. And what about his self-harm? Aaron knew that would not be looked on kindly. The leaders would want to know why he’d felt the need to cut himself, and Aaron couldn’t tell them that it came from his feelings of shame.

‘We’ve also noticed that some of the other students don’t seem to be doing as well as you,’ John went on, obliviously. ‘In particular your roommate, Robert.’

Aaron tried not to react at the mention of Robert’s name. 

‘Robert seems to be struggling with really opening up in group sessions, and we’re worried that he’s not making enough effort to probe the root causes of his SSA. Unless he starts really examining his own background, he’s just not going to make any progress. You obviously saw him in today’s session, when he made an important step by really talking candidly about his father. But he has a long way to go.’

Aaron was starting to wonder what any of this had to do with him, but he kept quiet and waited for John to explain. 

‘As you’ve been doing so well, Aaron, I was hoping you might be able to give Robert some support. I know you’re not exactly best friends, and maybe you don’t have a lot in common, but I really think you could help Robert come to terms with what he needs to do.’

Aaron bit his lip as he tried not to smirk. He certainly didn’t have much in common with Robert, and God knows the cocky bastard got on his nerves all the time. But was John really asking him to help Robert? Aaron knew that was an impossible task.

‘So what do you think? Will you help us out?’ John smiled and looked at Aaron expectantly.

Aaron cleared his throat. ‘Er… I don’t know… I’m not sure what I can do to be honest…’

‘We just want you to be there for him,’ John interrupted. ‘Talk to him, tell him how the sessions have helped you, and how much better you’ve been getting at conquering unnatural thoughts. Encourage Robert to embrace the group sessions and believe that they can help him.’

Aaron sighed. ‘I guess so,’ he said unconvincingly.

John nodded. ‘The thing is Aaron, if something doesn’t change for Robert, there’s a real chance that he won’t be able to stay here.’

‘What? What do you mean?’ Aaron blurted out. He hadn’t expected this.

‘We’ll have to tell his father that he’s not making any progress,’ John said. ‘Robert’s attitude can be disruptive and we can’t afford for him to distract other students from their own paths. We’re willing to help anyone who wants to be helped, but if Robert continues to be resistant, it will be in everyone’s interest for him to leave.’

He stood up. ‘I appreciate your help, Aaron. Keep doing what you’re doing.’

Aaron was silent as John walked out of the chapel. What a joke, he thought.

________________________

The session had resumed after a long break, and neither Aaron nor Robert had joined in. Aaron avoided any eye-contact with Robert and they kept away from each other for the rest of the day. But he couldn’t stop thinking about what John had said. What if Robert had to leave?

On the one hand this should have been good news for Aaron, as it would remove the increasingly worrying problem of his feelings for Robert. He could get himself back on track if the cause of his derailment was gone. But if Aaron was being completely honest with himself, he hated the idea of Robert going. He’d miss seeing him around. Even though they’d spent so much time keeping away from each other, the encounters that they had had were enjoyable, and Aaron wanted to see where they might lead, in spite of his shame.

Aaron was back in their bedroom, getting ready for bed. Finn was in bed reading a comic but Robert’s bed was empty. Aaron checked his watch – 9.38pm. He bit his lip anxiously. They were all generally expected to be in their rooms from 9.30pm onwards, and at 10pm the leaders would check all the rooms to make sure they were in bed. Robert was cutting it very fine.

‘Have you seen Robert?’ he asked Finn.

‘Nope,’ Finn said, without looking up from his comic. ‘You know what he’s like, he does whatever he wants. Rules don’t apply to the likes of Robert…’

Aaron knew this was true, but Robert was usually in their room on time each night. The combination of Robert’s outburst, their conversation on the bench and what John had said about Robert having to leave, made Aaron start to worry. Surely Robert hadn’t run away…? Aaron slipped his feet back into his trainers and grabbed his hoodie.

‘Where are you going?’ Finn looked up.

‘I won’t be long,’ Aaron mumbled as he walked out. He strode down the corridor, keeping his eyes peeled for Robert. There was no sign of him as Aaron’s worry increased. Most people were in their rooms now, so it was very quiet. After looking in all the common areas, Aaron opened the main door and stepped outside. He couldn’t imagine what Robert might be doing outside at this time of night. It was cold and starting to drizzle…

As he went in the back yard, Aaron saw a tall figure in the dark. He stopped and let his eyes adjust to the light. Robert was standing, leaning against a minibus. He was frowning and looked deep in thought. Aaron watched as he took pebbles, one after another from his hand and threw them pointlessly at a puddle. 

Robert looked so bloody miserable out here on his own. There was no sign of the cocky smirk he usually wore in front of everyone, he could have been a different person, apart from the handsome jawline and chiselled features that Aaron recognised so well. The thought of Robert leaving and Aaron never seeing him again hit him suddenly like an avalanche. How could he let this chance of happiness slip through his fingers?

Aaron found himself moving towards Robert. As he approached, Robert turned in surprise, but before he had a chance to say anything, Aaron walked straight up to him and planted a kiss firmly on Robert’s lips. 

After a few seconds they pulled apart, both out of breath. ‘Oh my God, Aaron…’ Robert panted. ‘What are you… I mean what…?’

‘Just kiss me,’ Aaron whispered, and pressed his lips onto Robert’s again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After giving in to their feelings, Robert helps Aaron to cope with what happened.

Robert couldn’t believe what was happening but he wasn’t going to waste any time thinking about it. His lips crashed against Aaron’s, their tongues doing battle with each other… Robert felt Aaron’s hands on the back of his neck, clutching him tightly as he moved his own hands over Aaron’s waist, then round to the front of his trousers.

Robert pulled away from Aaron slightly as he fumbled with the zip on his jeans and managed to get his hand in Aaron’s pants. Aaron moaned as Robert took hold of his dick.

Robert paused. ‘Are you ok?’ he whispered breathlessly. ‘Do you want me to stop?’

‘Don’t stop…’ Aaron breathed, ‘…show me what to do…’

Robert undid his own jeans and took Aaron’s hand, leading it to his own rock-hard cock. ‘Here… take it… like this…’ he said, moving Aaron’s hand up and down. 

As Aaron got the hang of it, Robert went back to pleasuring him, and they started kissing again, sloppy, messy kisses as their hands pumped up and down furiously in each other’s pants. After a few moments, Aaron came into Robert’s hand with a long groan and a shudder. His hand on Robert’s cock slowed down and came to a stop as he orgasmed…

‘Keep going!’ Robert said.

‘Sorry,’ Aaron said, and a few moments later, he’d brought Robert to orgasm too. 

They stood close to each other, both getting their breath back for a minute, then Robert pulled his jeans up and did up the zip. He chuckled. ‘That was not what I was expecting to happen tonight…’

Aaron looked anxious. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I didn’t mean to jump on you like that, it just happened, and I’m sorry if it wasn’t very good for you, I don’t know what I’m doing…’

‘Hey…’ Robert was touched by Aaron’s nervousness. ‘Don’t be sorry for jumping on me, I’m so glad you did. And it was good for me, really good. You’re a great kisser.’ He grinned and put an arm round Aaron’s waist.

Aaron looked slightly uncomfortable, then he said ‘Shit,’ and looked at his watch. ‘It’s nearly ten, we need to get to bed.’

‘Ok,’ Robert said, although he didn’t really care about following the rules at the moment. He was too blissed out from kissing Aaron. 

They hurried back to the building and managed to sneak in without being seen. When they got to the bedroom, Finn was lying in his bed with the light off, but he frowned as they came in.

‘Where have you been?’ he said, annoyed. ‘It’s gone ten, you’ll get in trouble.’

‘Ok, we’re here now,’ Robert said, and the two of them quietly got ready and got into their beds. As he drifted off to sleep, Robert ran over the events of the day in his head. He was confused by the change in Aaron and the way he’d suddenly kissed Robert, and although Robert was delighted by their encounter, he knew Aaron would be struggling to cope with what he’d done. Robert just hoped Aaron wouldn’t shut down and start ignoring him again. 

_____________

The following morning, Robert woke up in a good mood. He smiled to himself as he remembered how it had felt to finally kiss Aaron. He turned over in bed, but to his disappointment, Aaron’s bed was empty. Robert sat up and looked at Finn, who was wandering around getting dressed.

‘Have you seen Aaron?’ Robert asked, rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes.

‘I think he went for a run,’ Finn muttered. ‘I saw him going out in his trainers and running stuff. It was a while ago though…’

Robert immediately felt concerned. Why had Aaron gone out so early? He did go running often, but usually with the other lads he played football with here, not on his own. And as far as Robert knew, he wasn’t in the habit of getting up early and going out. Was this a sign that Aaron was stressing out about last night, Robert thought anxiously, as he got dressed and went for breakfast.

Aaron wasn’t in the breakfast hall, and Robert didn’t see him until they had a prayer meeting in the chapel. Aaron avoided his eye and sat at a different end of the chapel, so when the meeting had finished and they had a break, Robert rushed to catch up with him outside. 

‘Aaron,’ he said, walking alongside him. ‘Are you ok?’

Aaron kept looking at the ground as he walked quickly, his hands in his pockets. ‘Mm-hmm,’ he said non-committally. 

He didn’t look ok. He was clearly in a hurry to get away from Robert and didn’t seem keen to stop and chat. Robert couldn’t let Aaron ignore what had happened and give him the brush off like this. He knew Aaron was probably finding it difficult, but pretending they hadn’t been together wasn’t going to help.

Robert reached out and grabbed Aaron’s wrist. ‘Hey, stop a minute,’ he said. Aaron stopped sharply and glared around them to make sure no-one was looking at them.

‘Get off,’ he said moodily, but at least he didn’t walk away.

Robert sighed. ‘Can we go somewhere and talk?’ he said. ‘Please?’

Aaron chewed his bottom lip, then nodded. He turned and walked off in the direction of the garage, so Robert followed him.

Aaron walked in to the garage and leant against the wall. He blew out a breath and raised his eyes to the ceiling. ‘What do you want to talk about?’ he said grumpily.

‘You know. Look, Aaron, I know you’re trying to come to terms with what we did last night, but you can’t just pretend it didn’t happen…’

Aaron looked at him challengingly. ‘Can’t I?’ he said.

Robert didn’t really know how to talk to this moody, sullen version of Aaron, but he thought he’d try a different approach. He walked slowly up to Aaron, then gently pulled Aaron’s hands out of his pockets and held them in his own. Aaron’s expression changed from stroppy to sad as he looked at Robert.

‘You kissed me, Aaron,’ Robert said quietly. ‘I didn’t come on to you last night, it was your choice. And like I said, I’m glad you did, but it was you who made it happen. I know you’re struggling to get your head around it, but it’s really not that bad.’ He gave Aaron a small smile. ‘Maybe you just need time to get used to it…’

Aaron sniffed and rubbed his thumbs gently along the backs of Robert’s hands as they continued to hold each other. 

‘It’s hard, you know?’ he said softly. ‘I don’t want to be gay and I never have… I’ve spent the last few years wishing I was someone else because I never thought I could ever be happy…’

Robert gripped Aaron’s hands a little bit tighter, trying to encourage him.

‘…but when I’m with you…’ Aaron looked shyly at Robert. ‘I can almost imagine being happy. But there’s so much going on in my head, I don’t know how to handle it…’

Robert nodded. Aaron looked so lost and confused, it melted his heart. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I get it. But don’t push me away, ok? Talk to me. We can help each other. None of this is easy for me either, I promise.’

‘Really?’ Aaron said.

‘Are you kidding? Just because I’m a bit older and I’ve got a tiny bit more experience than you doesn’t mean I’m sorted, Aaron,’ Robert replied. ‘I’ve only been with that one guy before you and that ended with me getting beaten up and sent away from home to be cured… .’

Aaron let go of his hands and put his arms on Robert’s waist. ‘I’m sorry…’ he mumbled. Robert pulled Aaron into his arms and they stood there hugging until they heard a bell ring, and it was time to go to their class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably be in 2019. Happy Christmas and New Year til then!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron try to keep their relationship a secret from the others.

‘So, you’ve got until twelve o’clock to get as much as you can done, and feel free to take a break whenever you like, as long as it’s not too long. Ok guys?’ 

Aaron and the others nodded. John had brought four of them to paint one of the common rooms, and they were ready to start, with rollers, paint, brushes and work overalls. With Aaron were Robert, Finn and a friend of Finn’s called Simon. 

John looked pleased and left the room. The boys started picking up the rollers and tipping the paint into trays. 

For twenty minutes or so, they worked mostly in silence. Aaron wouldn’t have minded having a chat with Robert, but he didn’t really know how to talk to him with the other boys there. He was worried they’d somehow be able to tell what was going on. 

But then Finn and Simon started talking about music, and Robert caught Aaron’s eye.

‘You having fun?’ he grinned.

Aaron frowned. ‘This isn’t exactly my idea of fun, painting and decorating…’ he said.

‘You’re such a grumpy sod,’ Robert laughed. ‘But you seem to know what you’re doing with that paintbrush, anyway.’

‘It’s not hard is it?’ Aaron shrugged. ‘Although you seem to be making a mess of it, there’s paint on your face, you idiot…’

Robert’s smile faded as he touched his face, trying to locate the splodge of paint on his cheek.

‘Not there, on your cheek… up a bit…’ Aaron guided Robert to wipe the paint off with his finger. Aaron really wanted to wipe Robert’s cheek himself, to touch that beautiful face… but he didn’t dare touch Robert in front of the other boys.

‘Thanks,’ Robert said. He looked at Aaron and they held each other’s gaze for just a moment too long. Aaron looked away when he realised, but luckily Finn and Simon were too busy talking to notice. 

‘… no I know, so many current singers and musicians are homosexual, sometimes it’s not easy to find stuff to listen to…’ Simon was saying.

Aaron heard Robert snigger, then try to suppress it. Finn glared at Robert. ‘What?’, he snapped.

Robert looked guilty.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Nothing.’

Aaron breathed a small sigh of relief as Finn turned back to what he was doing. But Robert couldn’t let it go…

‘It just seems funny to me that you won’t listen to music by gay artists,’ he went on. ‘As if that’s going to affect who you’re attracted to. I don’t get it.’

Simon looked uncomfortable but Finn looked more annoyed.

‘It’s not that hard to understand,’ he said. ‘One of the reasons so many people have SSA is because we’re surrounded by homosexual culture everywhere, in films, on TV, in music. Of course that’s going to have an influence, and if we can avoid them, then so much the better for us in fighting it.’

‘Er, listening to George Michael or watching Brokeback Mountain isn’t going to make a straight person gay,’ Robert argued, and Aaron rolled his eyes. Why couldn’t Robert just shut up?

‘You can’t blame your ‘same-sex attraction’ as you call it on pop music,’ Robert went on. ‘It’s ridiculous. Everyone hears music by gay artists all the time, and most people are still straight. I don’t know what makes us like boys, but it’s not because of Sam Smith or Elton John. And stop saying ‘homosexual’, it makes you sound like a ninety-year-old politician…’

Aaron couldn't help smirking as Finn went redder with anger.

‘It’s the correct word,’ he said pompously. ‘And you’re wrong. All these influences affect us in ways we’re not even aware of.’

He turned his back to Robert and Aaron and spoke to Simon. ‘I need a drink of water,’ he said. ‘Shall we have a break now?’

Simon nodded, and the two of them put down their rollers. ‘Do you mind if we have a quick break? We won’t be long…’ Finn said. Aaron nodded, and the two boys left the room.

Aaron turned to Robert. ‘You need to stop talking like that,’ he said seriously. ‘You’ve got to make people think that you’re making progress here. Keep dismissing the programme and using words like ‘gay’ and you’re going to get into trouble.’

Robert put down his paintbrush. ‘Ok, sorry,’ he said, but the grin on his face made him sound unconvincing. ‘I can think of better reasons for getting into trouble than using the wrong language…’

He raised his eyebrows flirtatiously as he moved towards Aaron.

Aaron started to panic. ‘No!’ he said in a loud whisper. ‘Not here, they’ll be back any minute…’

‘Ah, come on…’ Robert looked disappointed. ‘They’ll be gone for at least ten minutes if they’ve gone to get a drink. I just want a cuddle…’

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at that. He relented and they embraced, Aaron wrapping his arms round Robert’s waist as Robert rubbed his back. Aaron closed his eyes and snuggled into Robert’s warm neck. 

‘See? The sky didn’t cave in…’ Robert said softly.

‘Not yet,’ Aaron mumbled. After a while, he lifted his head and pressed his lips against Robert’s. 

Robert grinned. ‘You’re such a good kisser,’ he said, and kissed Aaron again. They started to open their mouths and become more passionate when suddenly Aaron heard voices. He jumped back from Robert and grabbed his roller quickly just before Finn and Simon came back in. Robert stood there looking guilty, his ears had turned pink. Aaron thought it must look completely obvious what they'd been doing.

He tried to act as naturally as he could. ‘Alright?’ he said, concentrating on painting a section of the wall. 

Finn and Simon apparently didn’t notice anything wrong, to Aaron’s relief, and they all went back to their work in silence again.

 

_______________________________

 

They spent the rest of the morning painting, and were just about finished by the time John came to check up on them at 12pm. He seemed happy with their work, and the four boys went off to lunch. 

Robert and Aaron got their food and found an empty table to sit at together. Aaron was lost in his thoughts as he had been for the last couple of hours. He was wondering whether it was such a good idea for him and Robert to be spending so much time together. He couldn’t quite work out if he was still trying to fight his feelings or desperate to give in to them at every opportunity.

‘Aaron… hello…?’ Robert was talking. 

‘Sorry, what?’ Aaron said.

Robert smiled. ‘You were miles away. You’ve been miles away all morning since Finn and Simon came back from their break. What’s the matter? I know you’re brooding again…’

Aaron sighed. Robert was right, he knew he’d retreated into his shell again. He’d been deep in thought and in no mood to make conversation. But he knew that he couldn't keep shutting Robert out of everything he was thinking, so he tried to put his thoughts into words.

‘It’s just that… well, I told you before how my Dad found some magazines and stuff and that’s how he found out about me, and that’s why he sent me here… well, when that happened, I’d never kissed a boy, never met anyone else like me…The thing is, I didn’t even know if I was really…gay.’

He paused and looked around to make sure that no-one was in hearing distance, and Robert waited for him to go on.

‘I always had a bit of hope that maybe it was just a passing phase and didn’t mean anything – I prayed to God that I was going to turn out straight. I thought that if I could just meet the right girl, this would all go away…. And even when I came here, I still had hope. Until that day, when we were in the garage and you leaned towards me and put a hand on my leg…’

Aaron couldn’t help a small smile at the memory. ‘That’s when I knew it wasn’t going to go away. The way I felt when I realised you were coming on to me… I could never have that with a girl, and I suddenly knew for sure that it was all real and it wasn’t just going to be alright…’

Robert put down his knife and fork as he finished his food and looked at Aaron with understanding. ‘So, really, you’ve only just realised for definite that you’re gay?’

Aaron nodded. 

‘Well, of course that’s going to take a bit of getting used to. It’s ok.’

Robert looked intensely into Aaron’s eyes, his face full of compassion, and Aaron just wanted to touch him – hold his hand, put his arms around him – anything, he just yearned for physical reassurance. 

But instead, he nodded. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I do actually feel better for talking.’

Robert grinned. ‘Good,’ he said, almost smugly. ‘I knew you would.’


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert gets into trouble.

Robert looked at his watch and was relieved to see it was almost nine o’clock. He was sitting in the TV room with Aaron, Zoe, Simon and a few others, and they’d been watching a documentary about hedgehogs. Robert wasn’t a fan of wildlife programmes in particular, but everyone else seemed gripped. He was only here because it was pouring with rain outside, and he and Aaron hadn’t been able to think of anything else to do this evening. They couldn’t hang out together in their room because Finn was in there, having an early night as he felt tired.

So Robert had been subjected to this tedious hedgehog-fest instead. Now though, as the time reached nine o’clock, the programme finally finished and the credits rolled. Most of the students decided to go off to their rooms, and they all left except for Robert, Aaron and Zoe.

Robert had become friendly with Zoe again, but he hadn’t told her anything about him and Aaron. He knew that was too much of a risk and Aaron would absolutely freak at the idea of anyone finding out. 

The three of them lounged lazily on the sofa for a while, as a political news programme came on the TV. Robert wasn’t interested in that either, so he grabbed the remote control and started flicking around the channels. 

‘Oi,’ Aaron said, ‘I was watching that…’

‘No you weren’t,’ Robert retorted. ‘You don’t understand politics so don’t pretend you do…’

He turned to Aaron and smirked, and Aaron shook his head in mock frustration as he grinned back. Robert was suddenly aware of Zoe looking at them, and looked intently back at the screen, not wanting to make her suspicious.

‘You two seem to be getting on well,’ she said, frowning. ‘What changed? You couldn’t stand each other a while ago…’

Robert cleared his throat and made sure he didn’t look in Aaron’s direction. ‘Dunno,’ he said. ‘We just found a few things in common. We’ve got to share a room, so you know….’

Zoe was pursing her lips as if she was trying to decide whether she accepted this answer or not, but she didn’t question it any further, to Robert’s relief. He went back to surfing the TV channels.

‘For God’s sake, stop flicking around and find something to watch,’ Aaron groaned. ‘Or just turn it off, we’ve only got half an hour or so before we need to go to our rooms.’

Robert was about to switch the TV off, when suddenly Zoe gasped. ‘Leave it, leave it,’ she cried animatedly. ‘I’ve seen this before…’ 

‘What is it?’ Robert asked, confused. They sat watching what seemed to be a period drama – another type of programme that Robert wasn’t really into. A man was smoking a cigarette in his bedroom, looking out of the window. He went to bed and the three of them watched as another man climbed a ladder up the side of the house and came in through the window. Then to Robert and Aaron’s shock, he went to the bed and the two men started kissing.

‘Oh shit,’ Aaron said. ‘Turn it off, Robert.’

Zoe giggled. ‘It’s an old film,’ she said, delightedly. ‘It’s about this posh bloke who’s gay and he has it off with one of the servants. Leave it, it’s good.’

Robert knew he should do as Aaron said and switch off, but his curiosity got the better of him. It had been a long time since he’d seen anything like this, and his experience was pretty limited in the first place. ‘Let’s just watch for a few minutes,’ he said. ‘No-one will know…’

The three of them stared at the screen in silence as they watched the drama unfold. The romance continued across the class divide and in spite of the time the film was set in, which seemed to be the early 1900s. Soon they were watching a scene with the two men in bed together. 

‘We shouldn’t be watching this…’ Aaron mumbled, but he didn’t do anything to stop it. 

One of the men got out of bed completely naked and then hugged the other man who was sat on the bed. ‘Bloody hell…’ Robert breathed out. ‘This is so hot…’

‘What on Earth is going on?’ 

Robert, Aaron and Zoe all jumped physically at the voice from the door. Robert felt his mouth fall open as he stared up at the furious face of Cathy, one of the leaders. Her lips were pressed together tightly and her cheeks were red, with embarrassment or anger, Robert couldn’t tell. 

Everyone sat frozen in silence for a few moments, until Robert realised the scenes on screen were still playing out. He grabbed the remote and jabbed at it frantically until the image finally disappeared. 

‘Well?’ Cathy said quietly. ‘Can anyone tell me what’s going on?’

Still no-one spoke for a while. Robert was a little in shock, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with the situation. But he certainly didn’t want Aaron to get in trouble, especially as he hadn’t wanted to watch anyway, and Robert decided it was he who had taken the remote and decided not to turn over. He realised it would be best for him to take the blame.

‘It was my fault,’ he blurted out. ‘They didn’t want to watch but I did. I thought it was funny… sorry…’

He tailed off under the weight of Cathy’s glare.

There was another long pause as no-one moved or spoke, then the leader said to Robert ‘Come with me.’

He stood up, his heart pounding, not daring to glance at Aaron or Zoe, and he followed Cathy out of the room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to find out what's happened to Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to everyone who's commented on or left kudos on this story! It really makes a huge difference to know that people are enjoying or are engaged with it, so I really appreciate you taking the time x

Aaron went down to breakfast early the following day. After Robert had left with Cathy, he and Zoe had gone off to their rooms to bed. Aaron had waited up, unable to sleep for a few hours, but Robert didn’t come back. Eventually, Aaron must have fallen asleep, and when he woke up, there was still no sign of Robert.

Aaron had breakfast on his own, then had a maths lesson and an English lesson before a prayer meeting in the chapel. Aaron didn’t participate in any of these, he was too busy worrying and brooding about what could have happened to Robert. The fact that he hadn’t seen him was worrying – where had he been taken? Aaron just hoped he hadn’t been sent home permanently. No-one had seemed to know anything about it, a couple of people had asked Aaron if he knew where Robert was but he just said he didn’t know.

After the prayer meeting, Aaron hung around behind as everyone was leaving. John, the leader, was packing up some papers and bibles. Aaron went up to him. ‘John, can I ask you a question?’ he said, politely.

‘Sure,’ John smiled.

‘I was wondering what had happened to Robert,’ Aaron went on. ‘I haven’t seen him since last night, and… I know he was in trouble for what happened…’

John’s smile faded at the mention of Robert’s name. He frowned. ‘I’m afraid I can’t really talk about the circumstances of another student here…’ he said.

‘I know,’ Aaron interrupted, ‘It’s just that you asked me to keep an eye on Robert, and look out for him. I’ve been trying to support him, like you suggested, so… I just have an interest, I suppose…’

John paused and looked up at the door. The last few stragglers were just leaving the chapel. He turned to Aaron. ‘This is just between us, ok?’

Aaron nodded.

‘Robert’s being kept in isolation for a few days as punishment for his behaviour. He’s broken the rules several times now, so he’s staying in a room on his own. That way he can have some quiet time to reflect, and he’s not causing trouble for the rest of you.’

Aaron pondered this. The idea of Robert having nothing to do in a room all on his own made him sad. Robert was an outgoing character who wouldn’t relish having only his own company, Aaron knew.

‘When’s he going to join in with us again? Will he come back to our room?’

John shrugged. ‘We’ll have to see how the next few days go,’ he said. ‘There’s a real possibility that Robert will have to leave. That’s up to him, his Dad and Marion, I’m afraid…’

Aaron couldn’t help but sigh heavily. He hated the thought of Robert leaving now. What would Aaron do without him?

John obviously noticed Aaron’s reaction. ‘Aaron, you know this isn’t your fault, don’t you?’ he said kindly. ‘Robert’s responsible for his own actions and there was no way you could have been able to influence him in such a short period of time.’

Aaron nodded. What would John say if he knew what he and Robert had really been getting up to? Presumably they’d both be kicked out for good.

Aaron thanked John and left quickly, making his way to the hall for lunch. When he’d got his tray of food, he sat down on a table opposite Zoe.

‘Hi,’ he said, a bit nervously as they’d never spoken much, and didn’t usually see each other unless Robert was there too.

She looked up in surprise. ‘You alright?’ she said.

‘Yeah, you?’ Aaron mumbled.

Zoe nodded. They sat in silence eating for a while. When Zoe had finished her plate of food she looked up at Aaron.

‘Do you know what happened to Robert then?’ she asked.

Aaron hesitated, but he reasoned that Robert would want him to tell Zoe, as they were pretty close friends. 

‘You can’t tell anyone cos I’m not supposed to know,’ he said. Then he filled her in on what John had told him. 

‘Shit,’ said Zoe in a hushed voice after Aaron had finished explaining. ‘It sounds bad. Do you think they’ll send him home?’

Aaron shrugged. He opened his mouth to reply, but as he did, Finn appeared and sat down at their table. 

‘Hi,’ he said. ‘Have you heard anything about Robert yet?’

Aaron looked at Zoe, not sure what he should say. He supposed it was pretty obvious that Robert wasn’t around as usual and people were bound to ask questions about it. 

‘He’s in trouble,’ Aaron said. ‘After you went to bed last night, we found some old film on TV and there were two guys… in bed together, and Robert wouldn’t turn it off. We got caught and Robert took all the blame and he hasn’t been allowed to come back since then.’

Finn looked shocked. ‘Is he going to be sent home?’

‘I don’t know,’ Aaron shrugged. ‘I don’t think they’ll have decided yet.’

Finn frowned. ‘Maybe it’s for the best if he does have to leave,’ he said. ‘He’s a bad influence…’

Zoe said nothing, but picked up her tray and left. Aaron sat finishing his food while Finn prattled on about something else, not bringing up the subject of Robert again, thank God.

____________________

Later in the afternoon, Aaron joined the football team for a five-a-side match. He often enjoyed playing with them and found it usually made him feel better. Today was no exception as the fresh air helped him to clear his head and stop worrying about Robert for a while.

He was heading off to the showers afterwards when he saw Zoe standing by the back door of the main building, waving to get his attention. He walked over to her, intrigued.

‘What?’ he said. 

She beckoned him closer, then spoke in a whisper.

‘I’ve just seen Robert. They took him into Marion’s office about ten minutes ago… I think there’s a few of them in there. He didn’t see me, I just saw the back of him as they went in and closed the door…’

‘Oh God, they must be deciding what to do with him…’ Aaron said, scratching his eyebrow nervously. 

Zoe stood next to a bookcase and picked up a book at random. ‘Why don’t we wait here and see if we can see him come out?’ she said. ‘If anyone comes along, we can pretend we were choosing a book…’

Aaron wasn’t sure how convincing that would be as he hadn’t read a book for several years, but he couldn’t think of a better plan so he nodded. 

They stood quietly waiting for a long time. A couple of students wandered past, but no-one took any notice of what Aaron and Zoe were doing there. They could hear occasional raised voices coming from Marion’s office, although they couldn’t make out anything that was being said. 

Aaron was starting to get pins and needles in his foot from just waiting there, but eventually the door to the office opened. He and Zoe darted quickly behind the bookcase, in a position where they could see what was happening, but were far enough away to not be noticed. 

They kept still as a tall man wearing a flat cap came out of the door, followed by Marion. He turned and shook her hand. From what Aaron could see, he looked tired and angry.

‘Thank you for everything that you’re doing,’ he said. ‘And I’m sorry for the trouble he’s caused. You can get in touch with me any time…’

Aaron suddenly recognised the man. ‘That’s Robert’s Dad,’ he whispered to Zoe. ‘There’s a photo of him and Robert’s little sister, it’s in a frame by Robert’s bed…’

The man walked off and Marion turned back to the door as Robert came out. 

Aaron took a deep intake of breath. Robert looked terrible. His eyes were red and watery and his face was blotchy – it was clear he’d been crying. Aaron bit his lip to control his emotions as he saw how miserable Robert was.

Marion was speaking to him sternly. ‘…and you’re going to have to prove yourself and show us that you really want to make it work…’

Robert nodded and Cathy, the leader emerged from the office to lead him off, presumably to his room.

Marion went back in her office and closed the door.

Aaron leaned back against the wall and sighed. He hated this. Robert was obviously suffering and Aaron had no idea what he could he do to help…

‘Come on, let’s get out of here…’ Zoe said, and she walked back outside into the garden. Aaron followed her to a bench and they sat down together.

‘Robert’s a strong guy, he’ll be ok,’ she said. Aaron nodded.

There was a pause then Zoe said, ‘Aaron, what’s going on with you and Robert?’

Aaron froze. Oh shit, he thought. His mind went blank and he didn’t know how to respond.

‘I’m not an idiot,’ Zoe said, but she sounded amused. ‘Look, if there is something going on, don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone. And no-one else has got a clue. Everyone thinks you’re halfway to straight these days, you’re the last one anyone would suspect…’

Aaron glanced at her. She was smiling.

‘Did you think you were they only ones getting it on around here?’ Zoe went on. ‘Well I’ll let you into a secret – you know Erin? Butch looking girl with short hair… cute smile… me and her have been, well, friends with benefits I suppose you could say, for a while now… and you know tall Ahsan – him and George have been at it for ages… and Diego’s been with a few different guys…’

Aaron felt his mouth fall open in surprise. He’d genuinely had no idea that all this was going on. He had always kept himself to himself and never really spoken much to the others. He’d been so determined to get converted and get out of here, he hadn’t wanted any distractions. He felt stupidly naïve, all of a sudden.

‘I – I didn’t know…’ he stuttered.

Zoe smiled, warmly. ‘There are only a few people here who really think it’s going to work. People like Finn and Simon, and you, until you met Robert, I suppose?’ she said. ‘Most of us are here because our parents made us come, and a lot of us are just going along with it until we can convince them we’ve changed or until we’re old enough to walk out.’

Aaron was finding it hard to get his head around all this. He looked at Zoe. ‘You won’t tell anyone, will you?’ he pleaded. ‘Even the people you mentioned, I don’t want anyone to know, and I can’t risk Robert getting into more trouble…’

‘Relax,’ Zoe said. ‘Of course I won’t. Robert’s my friend, and I’m not a gossip anyway. I just told you about the others to make you feel better.’

Aaron nodded. ‘Thanks’, he said. He looked down at his muddy shorts and grass-stained knees. ‘I need to go and shower…’

‘Yeah you really do, you stink,’ Zoe grinned. They both stood up and started walking to the house. ‘Don’t worry too much about Robert,’ she said. ‘Like I said, he’s strong and he’ll be ok.’

As she walked off towards the girls’ rooms, Aaron just hoped she was right.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is in isolation and can't wait to get back to the others.

The door creaked as it was opened and John came in with a plate of buttered toast. 

‘Wake up, time for breakfast,’ he said, smiling at Robert.

Robert sat up in bed. ‘Ta,’ he said, stretching. ‘John… how much longer do I have to sleep here and have breakfast on my own?’

John’s smile faded. ‘I’m not sure,’ he said. ‘It’s not up to me. I’m sure Marion will let you know when she decides you can rejoin the others. Just do your best to show you’re sorry and that you’re back on the right track, eh?’

He went out, closing the door quietly behind him.

Robert sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He’d been staying in this little bedroom on his own now for three nights, since he’d got in trouble in the TV room. After being caught watching the film, he’d been marched off to Marion’s office. She’d given him a long lecture about not being angry, but more disappointed…

Then he’d been told that he would be isolated for a few days, partly as punishment, partly to give him some important reflection time, and partly to protect the other students from his influence.

He’d been taken to this tiny bedroom to spend the next few nights. It was a bleak, undecorated room with just a bed and a wooden chair in it. There was a bathroom next to it, which as far as Robert could tell, he was the only one using.

During the days, he’d been given reading and prayer tasks to do, as well as homework for his studies, but he wasn’t allowed to go to class with the others. He’d also spent one afternoon cleaning the kitchen, which took a few hours on his own.

Then yesterday, he’d been called to Marion’s office again. Robert had wondered if he was going to be released from his isolation, but instead, his Dad had been called. It was a shock to see him here. He’d been disgusted with Robert for his behaviour, and furious that the staff were considering sending him home. He’d yelled at Robert and spoken to him like a small child. Robert had felt humiliated and ashamed, and to his profound embarrassment, he’d started crying like a baby.

But his Dad had also said that he wanted Robert to continue with the programme, and that he was prepared to keep paying for him, as long as he committed to it properly. Robert knew that if he left now, it would be in disgrace and as a failure. Going back to the farm to face his Dad, his brother and the rest of the village, seemed impossible.

So although the thought of being stuck here was not ideal, at least it meant he was still near Aaron. But Robert had spent a lot of his ‘reflection time’ thinking about Aaron – would he still want to hang around with Robert? Would he be angry about his stupid behaviour? It was Robert’s own fault he’d been sent to isolation after all, and he wondered whether this would have been the final straw for Aaron. He knew Aaron wanted to toe the line and ‘make progress’ as he kept saying, so Robert wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to see Robert again…

After he’d eaten his toast, showered and got dressed, Robert waited for someone to come and tell him what he was supposed to be doing today. Eventually John came back in. 

‘Right, I’ve spoken to Marion, and she said you need to show us some dedication and hard work today if you want to be able to join the others,’ he said in a jolly voice which Robert found absurd. ‘So just try and do well today, ok? Now we’ve got some work for you to do in the garden today…’

Twenty minutes later, Robert found himself standing in the pouring rain, gardening instruments in hand, having been told to chop down a load of stray branches. He sighed as he shook the rain off his hair. He was wearing a raincoat, but he drew the line at the dumb-looking hood. He was soaked already. But there was nothing for it but to start chopping branches.

After about half an hour, Robert was completely drenched and thoroughly pissed off. His hands were covered in scratches from brambles and his arms ached from holding up the heavy shears. He leaned against the wall of the garage for a while, rubbing his sore biceps.

There was no-one around, no-one would be stupid enough to come out in this weather. Robert had had enough of this. He was craving company, he didn’t think he’d ever spent so much time on his own. Robert was usually a gregarious person who needed other people and didn’t do well by himself. He was fed up having no-one to talk to…

There was the noise of a door banging and John came out, sheltering under a huge umbrella, which said ‘Jesus Saves’ printed on the side in big letters. ‘Robert?’ he called. ‘Come inside, it’s awful out here…’

Robert didn’t need to be asked twice, and walked quickly to the door and inside.

For the rest of the day, Robert was given studying to do. He worked slowly through a pile of maths activities, his mind wandering off on daydreams every few minutes.

By about five-thirty in the evening, Robert was starting to get hungry, and he wondered what he’d be brought for dinner. He’d been getting all his meals brought to him in his room. Eventually the door opened and it was John again. Robert looked up expectantly, but he didn’t have any food with him.

‘We wondered if you might like to join the others in the hall for dinner tonight?’ John said.

Robert couldn’t believe his ears. He was desperate to get back to the others, and he smiled broadly. ‘Thanks,’ he said, ‘Yes please.’

Ten minutes later he was hurrying in to the hall. He got a tray of food, then looked for somewhere to sit. Zoe was sitting at the end of a table with no-one else on it, so he walked over.

She looked up as he approached and he relished the look of happy surprise on her face.

‘Well, look who it is!’ she grinned. ‘Are you back?’

Robert smiled and sat down. ‘I’m not sure yet, they just said I could join you for dinner.’ He looked around him in all directions.

‘I suppose you’re looking for Aaron…?’

Robert was caught off guard. ‘What? No, why would you say that…’

Zoe laughed. ‘Come off it, mate. I know about you two… He’s not here yet, you’re quite early.’

Robert hadn’t expected this. It didn’t sound like Aaron to be going round telling people what had happened between them. But he trusted Zoe and he couldn’t deny that there was something going on between him and Aaron, even if neither of them was quite sure what it was yet.

Before Robert had thought of anything to say, Aaron was suddenly there, sitting down opposite him. 

‘Hiya!’ Aaron said excitedly. ‘Are you back now?’

The sight of Aaron looking so happy was more than enough to make Robert grin widely. It wasn’t easy to get a smile from the grumpy git, so this was a real treat.

‘Hi,’ he said, gazing into Aaron’s eyes. ‘How are you…?’

A snort interrupted Robert’s happy thoughts. He looked at Zoe, who was stifling a chuckle. ‘Sorry, but you guys are gonna have to tone it down,’ she said. ‘You couldn’t be more obvious… stop making heart eyes at each other or someone will notice…’

Aaron cleared his throat, embarrassed, and they both concentrated on their food instead. 

When Robert had finished eating, he looked up again. ‘So what’s new?’ he asked to both Aaron and Zoe, trying not to stare too obviously at Aaron this time.

‘Oh you know, nothing…’ Zoe scoffed. 

Robert became aware that Aaron was looking at him with a concerned expression. Then Aaron said in a low voice, ‘What about you? Are you ok?’

He looked so worried and Robert got a lump in his throat as he realised how much Aaron had obviously been thinking about him. He felt a wave of affection, and swallowed hard to stop himself becoming emotional. What was happening to him? He’d never felt like this before.

‘Yeah, course,’ he lied. ‘I’m fine…’ 

Aaron didn’t look too convinced. ‘It must have been hard, on your own the last few days,’ he said.

Robert smiled. ‘Honestly, I’m fine. But better now I’ve seen you guys.’

He looked round at Zoe too. She rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, whatever Robert, I know you’d rather be on your own with Aaron, so I’ll leave you to it…’

‘Shh’ Robert said, as he saw Marion approaching them.

‘Good evening,’ she said to them all. ‘How are you all?’

They each mumbled something about being fine. She focused her attention on Robert.

‘Are you enjoying seeing your friends again?’ she asked.

Robert nodded. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say.

‘Good,’ Marion went on. ‘I’m glad. But you need to come back to your room now.’

Robert’s heart sank. He’d thought his isolation was over. He stood up and followed Marion out of the hall, not daring to look back at Zoe and Aaron. He knew that if he made eye contact with Aaron, he’d risk making it clear that he wasn’t getting any ‘better’ at all.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron attempts to rescue Robert.

Aaron looked nervously at the door in front of him. He’d been standing outside Marion’s office for several minutes, trying to get the courage to knock on that door. He hadn’t been able to sleep last night after seeing Robert at dinner, then watching him being led away. It’d been so good to see him again, and Aaron had been so relieved that he was back. But Aaron felt his heart being wrenched when Robert had to leave again. He didn’t want to spend any more time without Robert, so he’d spent the morning thinking about what he could do to try and help him. Now he wanted to take his proposal to the top and speak to Marion. The only thing stopping him was the fact that he found her completely intimidating and unapproachable.

He took a deep breath, summoned his courage and knocked on the door. There was a pause, then Marion’s voice called, ‘Come in.’

Aaron opened the door and stepped in to the office. He hadn’t been here since his first week at the institution. The only time students really found themselves here was if they were leaving, if they were being rewarded for excellence, or of they were being punished for very bad behaviour. So far, Aaron hadn’t found himself in any of those circumstances.

‘Hello Aaron,’ Marion smiled at him. She was sitting behind a desk which was immaculately tidy. The whole room was neat and impersonal, with several pictures of Jesus Christ and a large cross on the wall as its only decoration. 

Aaron cleared his throat. ‘Um… I was wondering if I could speak to you about something…’ he said, nervously.

‘Of course,’ Marion replied kindly. ‘Sit down.’ 

Aaron sat on the plastic chair in front of her desk. ‘It’s about Robert,’ he said.

Marion frowned but she didn’t say anything.

‘I don’t know if you know but John spoke to me a while ago, before the, er, incident with the television, and he asked me to keep an eye on Robert and try to offer him some guidance.’

Marion nodded. ‘Yes, I did know,’ she said.

‘Ok, well obviously I saw Robert last night at dinner, and he’s really remorseful about what he did,’ Aaron went on, trying to sound convincing. ‘He knows that he made a mistake, and I think being on his own for the last few days has really made him see that he needs to change. I just thought… well, if you let him come back and join us… I could look out for him again and try to help him?’

Marion didn’t look persuaded, so Aaron decided to lay it on a bit thicker.

‘I just feel like I’ve been helped so much by this place, and I’m on the right track now… it would be nice if I could help someone else to follow in the same way…’

Aaron’s heart was beating fast as he embellished the truth to an almost ridiculous extent. But Marion seemed to be falling for it as she smiled approvingly.

‘That’s very thoughtful of you, Aaron,’ she said. ‘I’m so glad you feel that we have helped you.’

She leaned back in her chair and put her fingertips together while she thought.

‘You know, I think you could help Robert,’ she said. ‘I’ve seen the two of you hanging around together and he clearly likes you as a friend. But Aaron, he’s not going to be as open to making changes as you have been, so you mustn’t expect him to respond properly straight away. And sometimes people just don’t want to see the error of their ways. If Robert can’t or won’t take our help, then you shouldn’t feel that you have failed. He’s the one who has to make the right choices.’

Aaron nodded earnestly, waiting to see what Marion was going to say.

‘But you should certainly try,’ she said. ‘I was planning to send Robert back soon anyway, but if you could take him under your wing a little bit, maybe I’ll let him come back today.’

Aaron couldn’t believe she’d gone for it. This was a better result than he could have expected.

‘OK…’ he stuttered. 

Marion leaned over the desk towards Aaron. ‘I’m very impressed with you, Aaron,’ she said. ‘You’re making excellent progress and now you’re trying to pass that on to others. Well done.’

Aaron felt a spike of guilt at the praise. He felt so duplicitous, being told how well he was doing while he tried to get the hot boy he fancied back in his presence. 

He stood up, his cheeks burning with guilt. ‘Thanks,’ he mumbled awkwardly.

___________________________

 

That afternoon, Aaron’s mind wasn’t on maths or geography as he sat through those boring lessons. He spent the whole time wondering whether Robert had been let out yet or when he was going to be. 

When the lessons had finished, Aaron and Finn took their things back to their room, and when they got there, Aaron felt his heart sink with disappointment to see that there was still no sign of Robert. 

‘Me and Simon are going to have a few games of table tennis before dinner,’ Finn said. ‘Do you want to join us?’

Aaron shook his head. ‘No ta,’ he said. ‘I’m just gonna chill here for a bit, I’m tired.’

Finn shrugged and left the room.

Aaron lay back on his bed and closed his eyes. He was just starting to drift off to sleep when the noise of the door opening made him jump. He looked up to see John’s head poking through the doorway.

‘Sorry to disturb you, Aaron,’ he said. ‘I was just showing Robert back to his room.’

Aaron sat up as Robert followed John into the room. Robert grinned at Aaron, apparently unable to hide how happy he was, and Aaron grinned back. God, Robert looked so good…

‘No problem,’ Aaron said, trying not to betray his lust. ‘Welcome back.’

‘Thanks,’ Robert said, putting a pile of clothes on his bed. 

‘Jolly good,’ said John, oblivious to the whirlwind of emotions Aaron was experiencing with Robert in front of him again. ‘Marion told me about your meeting with her, Aaron,’ he went on. ‘Well done, we’re all very proud of you.’

Aaron felt a knot of guilt in his stomach again at John’s kind praise. 

‘Right, Robert. Let’s hope you’ll be back in this room for a while,’ John said, and left the room.

Aaron turned to Robert. ‘You alright?’ he said shyly.

‘I am now,’ Robert said, his grin becoming even wider.

Aaron felt tingles all over his body as Robert walked towards him, put his hands on Aaron’s waist, then pulled him in close for a long hug.

‘I missed you so much,’ Robert whispered.

Aaron was taken aback. He’d expected Robert to pounce on him, to flirt or to kiss him, but not this. This wasn’t about lust, it was about affection and comfort. Aaron rested his head on Robert’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

‘Missed you too,’ he replied softly.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert rejoins the group and surprises himself by being honest about his emotions.

Thank God he was back with the others, Robert thought as he walked into the hall to get breakfast. He’d hated being so cut off from other people in general, even though he didn’t really have many friends here, he still liked being around people. And being able to see Aaron again was amazing. Robert had spent most of his time worrying that Aaron would be angry with him and would have decided they needed to be apart, but that hadn’t been the case at all. To Robert’s intense relief, his being away seemed only to have made Aaron want him more.

Robert had been back for a couple of days, but he and Aaron hadn’t really had much time alone. They managed to sneak the odd private conversation between classes and group meetings but that was all. With Finn in their room and the leaders keeping an eye on Robert, they hadn’t been able to show any physical affection to each other, and neither of them wanted to take any huge risks at the moment.

Robert took his food and sat at the table where Aaron was already eating with a group of others. As a girl whose name Robert didn’t know spoke about a book she’d been reading, Robert looked up and caught Aaron’s eye. They shared a quick smile and carried on eating. 

About twenty minutes later, Robert was taking his time over a chocolate biscuit and Aaron was making the most of a glass of orange juice as they waited for the last person still at their table to leave. Eventually, they were left alone.

‘Alright?’ Robert said softly.

‘Mm-hmm,’ Aaron replied. ‘You ok?’

‘Yeah,’ Robert sighed. ‘I’ve been thinking… there’s only one way we’re ever gonna get out of here, and that’s by convincing them that we’ve been, you know, cured.’

Aaron nodded. ‘I know that.’

‘So I’m going to have to go along with it all, aren’t I?’ Robert said. ‘They already think you’re doing really well, so I need to start making them think I believe in all this…’

Aaron smirked. ‘You’ve got some work to do then,’ he said. 

Robert made a face. ‘Yeah yeah... Lucky I’m such a good actor.’ He grinned.

Aaron didn’t smile back, but bit his lip thoughtfully.

‘What?’ Robert said.

‘Isn’t there even a tiny bit of you that does believe it’s possible to get better?’ Aaron asked. ‘Don’t you secretly wish you could be straight and live a normal life?’

Robert was saddened to hear Aaron still talking like this, but he knew the feelings of shame and self-loathing ran deep.

‘What’s a normal life?’ he shrugged. ‘Anyway, if I was straight, I wouldn’t like you anymore would l? And then what would I do with myself?’

He smiled and this time Aaron did smile back. But Robert meant it. His feelings for Aaron made him happy, and he hated the thought of that part of him being removed. He hoped that Aaron was at least starting to feel the same, and that this could help him accept his homosexuality eventually.

Their first session that morning was group counselling with Cathy. She was asking them to write letters of apology to people in their lives who’d been hurt as a consequence of their SSA. Robert’s mistrust of the whole programme had only been galvanised by his time here so far, and his feelings for Aaron made him certain that there was no option to seek a cure. Although he found it quite amusing to see some of the students go along with it, he also felt sorry for those who were desperately fighting against something they should just accept.

‘You’ve all got half an hour to write your letter, and then I’m going to ask some of you to read them aloud to the group,’ Cathy said. ‘If you have any questions just put your hand up and I’ll come over. Otherwise I’d like you to work individually on this.’

Robert glanced at Aaron, who was staring at his blank sheet of paper as though he was afraid to start writing. Did Aaron truly believe he needed to apologise to his Dad for being gay? Yes, he probably did, and this troubled Robert.

He picked up his own pen and started writing.

Thirty minutes later, Cathy called to them all to stop, and they regrouped in a circle. 

‘Would anyone like to volunteer to read out their letter?’ Cathy asked.

Might as well start now, Robert thought, and he raised his hand. Some of the others looked at him in surprise. He was usually reluctant to participate at all in these sessions, and he certainly didn’t volunteer. 

Cathy looked pleased. ‘Thank you Robert. I’m sure we’d all love to hear from you. Who is your letter for?’

‘My Dad,’ Robert said, feeling oddly nervous. He didn’t dare glance in Aaron’s direction in case it put him off. 

Cathy nodded for him to go on and Robert took a deep breath.

‘Dear Dad,’ he said. ‘I’m writing you this letter because I need to say sorry. I have made so many mistakes and there are a lot of things I need to say sorry for. But most of these mistakes have been caused by one thing. My attraction to other boys…’

The words stuck in his throat. What Robert wanted to say was that he was sorry his Dad couldn’t accept him as he was, and he was sorry the world was so fucked up that he was being made to pay for feelings that were completely natural to him and not a choice he’d made. He was sorry that people cared so much about who he fancied, when his relationship for Aaron was such a force for good in his life, not something to be ashamed of. And he was sorry that his Dad was so stubborn and pig-headed that he’d probably never change his mind about any of this. 

Robert gritted his teeth and reminded himself again that he just had to say the words that would eventually help him get out of here. He knew he didn’t mean any of it…

‘I know I’ve caused you a lot of upset and shame. I wasn’t thinking of you and your position in our local community when I selfishly chose to indulge the attraction I felt for a boy who worked on our farm. I let him lead me astray and convince me to do things I shouldn’t have done. I’m sorry that I betrayed my girlfriend Katie, and I’m sorry too for letting down my brother and sister. I know, Dad, that you’re ashamed of me and that I’m a huge disappointment to you…’

Robert faltered. This line at least was true. He knew his Dad was ashamed and disappointed in him because he’d told him so when he was here to see Robert a few days ago. And although Robert tried so hard not to care, it genuinely hurt him to acknowledge his Dad’s feelings out loud. He swallowed and tried to get himself together.

‘I’m sorry for not being the son you wanted and that you deserve…’

He paused again. Shit, this was supposed to be a joke, he’d tried to lay it on thick to convince Cathy that he wanted to be cured, but instead it was dawning on him how badly he wanted to please his Dad. Robert wouldn’t apologise for liking boys, but he wished he could change his Dad’s mentality and win his love and approval. 

‘You’re doing really well, Robert,’ Cathy said softly.

He took a steadying breath and read the last few lines out. ‘I hope you can forgive me for giving in to… er… unnatural impulses, and not being able to control my behaviour. I’m sorry for everything, Dad. Love from your son, Robert.’

He folded up the paper several times and shoved it in his pocket feeling embarrassed. He couldn’t believe he’d let his emotions get the better of him in front of everyone again. 

‘Robert that was really great, thank you,’ Cathy said. ‘I think it could help if you actually sent that or something like it to your Dad. Now, would anyone else like to share their letter?’

Robert stopped listening as a tall, blonde girl called Eva stood up and started reading aloud. He chewed a fingernail anxiously, just wanting to get up and get out of this room now. Reading that out had awakened deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and made him feel angry with his Dad and bitter about his treatment. He looked up and caught Aaron’s eye. Aaron was staring at him, looking concerned. As Robert looked up, Aaron smiled sympathetically and gave him a small thumbs up. 

Robert immediately felt a tiny bit better. Thank God he had Aaron. Knowing there was someone in the world on his side in this made all the difference. He made a weak attempt to return the smile and switched off for the rest of the session.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An incident at a football match arouses suspicion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This carries on from where the last chapter left off, when Robert read out a letter to his Dad.

Aaron wasn’t really listening as various students read their letters of apology aloud in the group session. He was still trying to process what Robert had done. After their chat about playing along with the leaders, Aaron had expected Robert to just make up a load of bullshit about apologising to his Dad, and that’s how his letter had started. Soon though, Aaron had noticed that Robert was completely sincere and genuinely upset.

This surprised Aaron, as most of the time, Robert professed not to care too much what his Dad thought. Clearly he cared a lot more than he claimed. 

When the session ended, Robert marched out of the room before Aaron could talk to him. Aaron grabbed his things and hurried after him, calling out as he went.

‘Robert… hey Robert…’ he said, but Robert was off, down the corridor and out of the building. 

Aaron kept following, and eventually caught up with Robert standing by a shed near the bottom of the garden. 

‘Wait, will ya…’ Aaron said, out of breath. 

Robert turned and looked at him. His expression was hard to read – Aaron couldn’t decide whether he was angry, upset or neither.

‘Sorry,’ Robert mumbled. ‘I just had to get some air…’

‘Are you ok?’ Aaron asked uncertainly.

Robert blew out some air slowly. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Just, you know… talking about my Dad made me realise… how much he thinks I’ve let him down as a son…’

He leant against the shed and frowned. ‘You know I didn’t mean that stuff about apologising for liking boys, don’t you?’

Aaron shook his head. ‘Yeah, course, I know that part was…’

‘Because I didn’t mean it. That was for them,’ Robert sounded angry. ‘I’ll never apologise for being gay or bi… or whatever I decide I am… fuck that. I’m not apologising for any of it and if Dad doesn’t ever accept me… then it’s just tough shit… his fucking problem…’

Aaron knew now though that Robert obviously did care a great deal whether his Dad accepted him or not. He wasn’t about to say that now though. He nodded, then Robert grabbed his arm and pulled him behind the shed. As soon as they were out of sight of the main building, he pushed Aaron against the back wall of the shed and kissed him firmly.

Aaron didn’t know if it was Robert’s anger towards his Dad, the leaders or the world in general, but it was an angry, hot, passionate kiss. Aaron rested the back of his head passively against the shed as Robert’s warm mouth enveloped his hungrily, and his long fingers gripped Aaron’s arms, holding him firmly in place. Aaron grunted with pleasure and returned the kiss.

Eventually Robert pulled back. His face was flushed and he was out of breath. They stared at each other for a moment, but Aaron was aware they had to get back to their next class.

‘We should go…’ he said, awkwardly.

Robert swallowed and let go of Aaron arms. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Sorry… it’s just been a while… I just really wanted to kiss you… yeah you’re right, we should go…’

Aaron grinned. ‘Don’t say sorry,’ he said. ‘I wanted to kiss you too.’

He leaned forwards and gave Robert a more chaste peck on the lips, then they turned and walked back up the garden to the house.

____________________

 

‘Go on Aaron!’ came a yell. The whistle went for offside and Aaron turned to see Robert shouting at the top of his voice. Aaron was playing in a five-a-side match with some other students, and Aaron’s team was winning. Robert had been watching for about ten minutes and seemed to be amusing himself by shouting out encouragement every time Aaron touched the ball. As Aaron had scored a goal and had a lot of time on the ball, Robert had been doing a lot of shouting.

Aaron grinned at his fan. It made him happy to see Robert so carefree after his stressful morning, and although the shouting was embarrassing, Aaron couldn’t help laughing when he heard him. He also noticed how effortlessly hot Robert was looking. Just standing there in his jeans and t-shirt, his blond hair messily scruffed, his twinkling eyes and huge grin… shit, he looked like a magazine model.

Play continued and a few minutes later, a talented girl called Jess made a beautiful pass to Aaron. ‘Nice one,’ he called as he got the ball and started making a run at goal.

‘Come on Aaron,’ came the inevitable yell from the sidelines. It spurred him on and he dribbled past a defender. Just as he got in shooting range though, another player – a tall guy called Ahsan – appeared from nowhere and tackled him. Aaron lost control and felt himself falling through the air… everything went quiet…

Aaron opened his eyes and tried to work out where he was and what was going on. There were faces all around him, staring down and looking worried. Then he saw Robert’s beautiful face and felt a hand stroke his cheek.

Robert smiled and Aaron gazed happily into his gorgeous eyes. ‘Hi Robert…’ he said, his voice sounding weaker than usual. 

But he was gradually becoming aware of a pain in his left wrist. He frowned and tried to sit up. The pain was getting worse and worse…

‘Lie down,’ came a strict voice. ‘It looks like you’ve broken something. An ambulance is on its way.’

Aaron lay back down again. He was slowly coming to his senses and saw that Robert was having a realisation too. Robert took his hand away from Aaron’s face and moved back. Fuck. Had anyone noticed? Was their behaviour inappropriate? Aaron couldn’t tell and the pain in his wrist was making it hard to think at all.

He tuned out the chattering around him until he felt himself being hoisted onto his feet. Two paramedics were supporting him as they helped him off the football pitch and into the back of an ambulance. 

As Aaron lay back in the ambulance, he saw John climb in and sit next to him.

‘I’m coming with you to the hospital,’ he said. ‘How do you feel?’

Aaron considered the question as the ambulance drove off. ‘It hurts,’ he said. ‘My arm’s really painful and I blacked out on the pitch there… I didn’t know what was going on for a while…’

‘Are you feeling more alert now?’ John asked.

‘Yeah, much better thanks.’

One of the paramedics interrupted. ‘Just to let you know, we should be at the hospital in about fifteen minutes, then we’ll get you straight in for an x-ray.’

Aaron nodded. 

There was a pause for a while before John spoke again. ‘You seem to be forging a strong friendship with Robert…?’

Aaron tensed up immediately. What was John implying? Was this an innocent comment or was John suspicious? Had people noticed Robert’s affection went beyond the bounds of platonic friendship? 

‘Yeah, I’ve been trying to help him settle in more since he rejoined us all, and he seems to be doing better…’ Aaron said. ‘Did you hear about his letter of apology in the group session this morning? Cathy was really impressed.’

John didn’t respond to this, but just folded his arms and looked away. 

Aaron didn’t dare say anything else in case he made things worse. It seemed pretty obvious to him that John was at the very least, concerned that Aaron and Robert’s friendship might be a bad idea. Aaron closed his eyes and concentrated on the pain in his wrist. Focusing on that helped ground him, and it stopped him from worrying and making wild speculations about what might happen next.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert deals with the fallout of his actions at the football match.

‘What happened?’ 

Zoe and Robert were sitting in a quiet corner of the common room. It had been about an hour since Aaron’s accident had ended the football match, and Robert had been going mad with worry. His main concern was how Aaron was, but he was also anxious about his behaviour and whether he’d given anything away.

‘Aaron got tackled and he fell badly,’ Robert explained to Zoe. ‘I think he put his hand down to break the fall, but his wrist gave way and he crashed onto the ground. Then he just lay there, still, not moving, it was horrible. So I ran onto the pitch… everyone was crowding round him and trying to wake him up but he’d blacked out.’ 

Robert ran a hand through his hair. ‘Shit, Zoe, I was so worried about him… I forgot where I was and everything around me, I just kept saying his name, trying to wake him up, and I was stroking his cheek…’

‘You what?’ Zoe said, horrified. ‘You stroked his cheek in front of everyone?’

‘I told you, I wasn’t thinking about anything except Aaron,’ Robert said through gritted teeth. ‘I know it was stupid, but he was just lying there and I was panicking… I don’t even know what I said but I was talking to him and then he opened his eyes… He saw me and smiled and I smiled back…’

‘Oh my God Robert…’ Zoe muttered.

‘…and he said ‘Hi Robert’, and then we just stared at each other for what seemed like ages… then the football coach said something, and suddenly Aaron was looking at me all worried and I realised where we were, so I quickly moved my hand away…ugghh’

He put his head in his hands.

‘Did anyone say anything then? Were they looking at you funny or anything?’ Zoe asked.

Robert didn’t move but just groaned. ‘No, no-one said anything but some of them were looking suspicious…’ he looked up at Zoe. ‘You know Simon and Jess, they were looking at me while Aaron was being taken off to the ambulance…’

They sat in silence for a few moments.

‘Well there’s nothing you can do now except wait,’ Zoe said. ‘See if anyone says anything and just be on your best behaviour from now on.’

Robert nodded miserably. 

__________________

 

When he woke up the next day, the first thing Robert did was look over to Aaron’s bed to see if he was back. But it was empty and hadn’t been slept in. Robert had waited up until late the night before, hoping that Aaron would come back from hospital, but so far there’d been no sign of him. 

Finn was already up and dressed, and he was doing his hair in the mirror.

‘Morning,’ Robert said. ‘You haven’t heard anything about Aaron, have you?’

Finn frowned at Robert. ‘No,’ he said. ‘But Robert… what’s going on with you two? I mean, first you couldn’t stand each other, then you’re best mates, and yesterday…’

He faltered and looked away. 

‘What?’ Robert asked. He couldn’t leave it there. He wanted to make Finn say it.

‘You’d better be careful, that’s all,’ Finn said disapprovingly. ‘There’s a lot of rumours flying around about you two after yesterday...’

‘What rumours?’ Robert prodded further. ‘Come on, Finn, spell it out why don’t you?’

Finn moved away towards the door. ‘You know what I mean,’ he said. ‘Just be careful.’

He left the room and Robert fell back heavily on his bed. This wasn’t looking good. With a feeling of tension in his stomach, he got dressed and went down to breakfast. When he got in the hall, he saw John getting up having finished his breakfast. As John put his empty tray away on a shelf, Robert made a quick decision to go and speak to him.

He ran over. ‘John,’ he said, ‘Can I have a word?’

John looked at him in surprise, then nodded and led Robert into an empty classroom. He pulled up two chairs, sat on one and gestured to Robert to sit down too.

‘So, what is it you want to talk about, Robert?’ 

‘Er, well I was wondering what happened with Aaron yesterday,’ Robert said. ‘He went off in an ambulance and no-one’s heard anything since – is he ok?’

John looked serious. ‘Well, he had to wait a while for an x-ray, and they found that he’s fractured his wrist. Then they had to let the swelling go down a bit before they could put on a cast, so he didn’t get back until the early hours of this morning…’

‘So he’s back then?’ Robert interrupted. ‘Where is he?’

John frowned. ‘I was going to talk to all of you in our session this morning, but yes, Aaron’s out of hospital. As he got back so late, we thought it would be best not to come and disturb you and Finn, so he’s catching up on sleep in one of the empty rooms.’

Robert was relieved. It was good to know that Aaron was out of hospital and that he was ok. Robert really wanted to ask more questions, but he was worried that John was already suspicious that there was something going on. So he forced himself not to say any more.

‘Thanks,’ he said instead. ‘I just wanted to make sure he was ok after that nasty fall…’ 

Robert started to stand up to leave, but John spoke again. ‘Robert - it’s been noticed that you and Aaron seem to have become close recently. I mean, you didn’t get on at all at first, but now you’re suddenly very friendly. Or is there something else going on, Robert?’

Robert’s heart was pounding in his chest. He’d been hoping that he’d got away with his slip yesterday, but it seemed not. What was going to happen to them now? Could he still convince the leaders that his relationship with Aaron was innocent?

‘What do you mean?’ he tried to sound cool as he avoided the question.

John rubbed his face with his hands. He looked stressed. ‘Robert, have you become attracted to Aaron?’

Robert tried to breathe slowly to stay calm as his pulsed raised even higher. He felt a tingle of cold sweat on his back as he did his best to lie as convincingly as he could.

‘What?’ he tried to sound appalled at the suggestion. ‘Of course not! You know Aaron, he’s one of the people that’s made the most progress here! He’s determined to overcome his SSA, and I’m trying my best as well. Who’s been spreading lies?’

He studied John’s reaction but his face remained impassive. ‘Plenty of people saw you yesterday. When Aaron fell over, you seemed to show… more interest, more…affection than we might expect…’

Robert fixed his eyes on John’s, determined to convince him ‘I was just worried that because he blacked out, that’s all. Anyone reading more into it is just looking for something that’s not there.’

They locked eyes for a few seconds until eventually John looked away. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘Well I think Marion wants to speak to Aaron before he comes back to classes, so you might not see him for a while yet…’

Robert nodded, got up and walked out of the room. In the corridor he leant back against the wall and exhaled slowly. His hands were clammy and he felt slightly sick. It was clear that John was still suspicious about what had happened, and the fact that Marion wanted to speak to Aaron was even more worrying. What would happen if she found out that they’d kissed and become involved with each other? Would they both be kicked out? Robert didn’t want to go back to his Dad in disgrace, but more than that, he didn’t want to be separated from Aaron.

When he’d got himself together, Robert went back into the breakfast hall. He got his food and sat down and started eating. 

He’d almost finished and was about to leave when he looked up and saw Aaron enter the hall. Robert sat up and grinned at him. He was about to beckon him over when he noticed that Marion was coming in with him. Aaron caught Robert’s eye and Robert thought he gave the tiniest shake of his head, as if to warn Robert off. 

As Aaron went to the counter to get his food, Marion was at his shoulder the whole time, and when Aaron sat down to eat, she sat with him.

Robert stayed in his seat for a while, keeping an eye on them. It was always good to see Aaron, and he was relieved to see him looking well, but Robert wanted so much to go and speak to him, hang out with him…it was becoming painful. 

So he got up, put his tray away, and used all his willpower not to look in Aaron’s direction as he left.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suspicion grows about the nature of Robert and Aaron's friendship.

A clock on the wall ticked just a bit too loudly as Aaron sat patiently in Marion’s office. He’d been summoned after breakfast, but he wasn’t sure what it was about. Marion had shown him in, then gone outside to chat with John, leaving Aaron to wonder what was coming…

Eventually the door opened again and Marion came back in and sat down opposite Aaron. 

‘Thank you for waiting,’ she said. ‘I just needed to consult the other leaders before I spoke to you.’

Aaron frowned. ‘Er… what did you want to speak to me about?’ He was starting to feel nervous now, as Marion looked serious.

She leaned forwards and looked at Aaron intensely. ‘I need to you be honest with me, Aaron,’ she began. ‘There is some concern among the leaders about your relationship with Robert. Several people have seen signs that there is some attraction between you…’

‘What signs?’ Aaron interrupted. He was feeling defensive and he knew he sounded aggressive, but he couldn’t help himself. ‘What have people been saying, and who said it?’

Marion held up a hand to placate him. ‘Calm down, Aaron,’ she said. ‘I want to have a civilised conversation, not make accusations. In fact the leaders have noticed the two of you becoming closer over the last few days, and then several pupils commented on Robert’s behaviour when you were injured yesterday…’

Aaron said nothing. He was trying to maintain a poker face, but he could feel his cheeks starting to burn.

‘Apparently Robert reacted in an inappropriate way, touching your face,’ Marion went on. ‘So… is there anything you need to tell me?’

Aaron took a few breaths while he considered his response. He didn’t want to lie outright, but what choice did he have? If he admitted the truth, he and Robert would surely be kicked out, and then they might never see each other again. Aaron couldn’t bear that idea. He dug his fingernails hard into his thigh to help him focus, and did his best to sound convincing.

‘I don’t know what you mean…’ he said. ‘I passed out from the pain in my wrist, and when I came to, there were faces all around me, including Robert’s. I don’t remember any… touching, or whatever…’ he looked down awkwardly. 

‘So these rumours that you have been attracted to each other… there’s nothing in those?’

Aaron shook his head firmly. ‘That’s just gossip,’ he said. ‘Look, John asked me to keep an eye on Robert, he wanted me to make friends with him. So I did, and we get on well. That’s all. Anyone saying anything else is just trying to stir up trouble…’

He sighed. Marion didn’t reply for a while, but sat there looking at Aaron, as if she was trying to work out whether or not he was telling the truth. Aaron chewed his lip nervously, waiting to be told that he’d been found out.

Eventually Marion spoke again. ‘I’d really like to believe you, Aaron,’ she said calmly. ‘I know you’ve been doing well here and conquering your unnatural leanings, but I just feel that you’ve been influenced by a bad apple… I’m sure you had the most honourable of intentions when you befriended Robert and tried to help him, but it seems as though he’s taken advantage of you.’

Oh great, Aaron thought. They were blaming it all on Robert. 

‘…so I think the best thing to do now is for us to speak to your father,’ Marion went on. ‘I’m going to give him a call and tell him what’s been going on…’

‘There’s nothing going on!’ Aaron said desperately. ‘Please, don’t bother my Dad, there’s no need for that… I swear, I’ll keep working, keep trying to do better…’

As Marion held up a hand to silence Aaron, he sighed in exasperation and stopped talking. 

‘Alright Aaron,’ she said. ‘I’ve heard what you have to say, but I am going to call your father for a chat. I’ll tell him what you’ve said. You should go and join your class now, and Aaron it almost goes without saying that you should keep your distance from Robert. I’ll talk to you later and let you know what we decide.’

Marion gave Aaron a thin smile and looked him in the eyes until he felt uncomfortable. He decided this was his cue to go, so he got up and left the room. 

A few hours later, Aaron sat in a maths lesson. He was thinking hard, not about measuring angles in a triangle, which was what he was supposed to be concentrating on, but about Robert. Aaron hadn’t seen him since their paths had crossed at breakfast, and he hadn’t been able to speak to him at all. Aaron had realised that they weren’t likely to either. Robert wasn’t in the same classes, and Aaron had been told not to go to their group counselling sessions today, but instead to pray alone in the chapel. In the meantime, whenever Aaron was between classes he seemed to find himself accompanied by a leader. He had the feeling they were keeping a constant eye on him.

But now he’d had an idea about getting in touch with Robert. Aaron quietly tore a piece of paper out of his maths book and scribbled a note on it. He folded the paper and nudged Finn, who was sitting next to him, discussing their maths task with another pupil.

Finn turned round and frowned at Aaron. ‘What?’ he said, annoyed. 

‘I need you to do me a favour,’ Aaron said in a low voice. ‘I need you to give this to Robert.’ He passed the scrap of paper to Finn, who looked at it suspiciously.

‘Er, no way…’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You two need to keep away from each other.’

‘Please Finn,’ Aaron said. ‘Look, I know you don’t approve, and you have every right to say no, but I’m begging you, I need to speak to him. They won’t let us see each other and they’re phoning my Dad – I might have to leave, Finn. Please, I really need to just speak to Robert.’

Finn looked surprised. ‘You might leave?’ he said. ‘They won’t really send you away, will they?’

‘Yes, Finn!’ Aaron said urgently. ‘I might be gone in a few days! Please, just give me a chance to speak to Robert before that happens, it might be my last chance to speak to him… Finn, we’ve always got on ok, haven’t we? And I’ve always listened to your problems and tried to help you when I could, right?’

Finn hesitated, then he nodded glumly and took the piece of paper and pocketed it.   
‘Ok.’ He said. ‘I’ll probably see him at lunchtime so I’ll try and give him the message then. But I’m not promising anything… ‘

Aaron sighed with relief. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Thank you so much, I appreciate it.’

Finn turned back to his book and picked up his pencil. After a moment, he muttered, ‘I hope you don’t have to leave’.

___________________

 

Aaron opened the door handle slowly and crept past the empty classrooms. He’d spent the rest of the day either in classes or in the chapel on his own, then he ate dinner on a table with John sitting opposite him, making occasional conversation. 

Now he was sneaking out, treading as lightly as possible as he made his way down the dark corridor, looking around constantly to make sure he wasn’t seen. Aaron reached the outside door and slipped out into the dark night. He tiptoed down the path to the garage, and pushed the door open. As he walked into the garage, a figure moved towards him.

‘Aaron…’ it said softly, and Aaron fell into the strong, comforting embrace of Robert. 

‘You got my note then,’ he said as he nuzzled into Robert’s neck. 

‘Yeah, Finn handed it over with some words of disapproval…’

Aaron grinned as he clung on to the boy he’d been missing. He felt Robert’s embrace become tighter as they both tried to make up for lost time. Eventually Aaron pulled away slightly, then looked up to kiss Robert. He closed his eyes and focused on Robert’s soft, delicious lips.

‘Your lips are cold,’ he mumbled. 

‘I’ve been here a while,’ Robert replied. ‘Didn’t want to miss you…’

Aaron smiled and rubbed his hand up and down Robert’s back as they kissed for a while longer. It felt so good to be in Robert’s arms again. Then Aaron spoke. ‘It’s so good to see you,’ he said. ‘But there’s something I need to tell you.’

Robert frowned. ‘What’s up?’

‘Marion called me into the office this morning. They know about us, Robert…’

Robert nodded. ‘Yeah, I worked that out…’ he said. ‘Are you in trouble? I’m sorry, it’s my fault…’

‘No…, well yes…’ Aaron interrupted. ‘They’re calling my Dad, Robert. I think I’m going to be sent home.’

Robert’s face fell. ‘Oh shit,’ he said. ‘When? Are you sure? What are we gonna do…’

Aaron put his hands on Robert’s waist and held him firmly. ‘I don’t know, but I can’t stand the thought of us getting separated.’ He said. ‘I think…maybe…, well I think we should run away.’

Robert looked even more shocked than he was before. Then he exhaled slowly. ‘Er, ok,’ he said. ‘Ok… what do we do? When?’

Aaron smiled with relief. He’d thought he might have to persuade Robert to go along with his crazy idea, but it seemed as though Robert was up for it already. 

‘Tonight,’ he said, with more confidence than he felt. ‘Let’s get out of here tonight…’


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron escape!

As soon as Finn left their room, Robert grabbed a sports bag and started shoving things in it hurriedly. He didn’t want to pack properly as it would obviously cause suspicion, so he decided to just bring a few clothes and some essentials. 

His mind was racing. A few hours ago, he was assuming he would be stuck in this place for months to come, hopefully with Aaron. But as soon as Aaron had suggested leaving, Robert had made a split-second decision to go along with it. The risk of Aaron’s Dad moving Aaron to another, stricter place was too great. Robert wasn’t prepared to lose Aaron and he knew with complete certainty that he’d do whatever he could to stop that from happening.

He looked round at Aaron’s bed, and it occurred to him that Aaron would have very little with him. So Robert stuffed a couple of Aaron’s t-shirts and some underwear into his bag alongside his own things. 

Suddenly the door opened and Finn came back in. Robert stood in front of his bag to hide it from Finn and hoped he wouldn’t notice what Robert was doing.

‘Tidying up, are you?’ Finn said grumpily.

‘Mmm-hmm’, Robert agreed.

‘About time,’ Finn muttered. 

Robert shoved the bag under his bed and sat down with a book to pretend to read until it was time to turn the lights out.

………….

Just over three hours later, Robert was tiptoeing out of the room in the darkness, being careful not to make a sound to disturb the sleeping Finn. He’d set his alarm for 12.30am, but he hadn’t needed it – he’d been lying awake unable to relax the whole time. His stomach was knotted with nerves as he crept silently along the corridor and out of the building. When he slowly undid the bolts on the front door and turned its handle, he almost expected an alarm to sound, bright lights to come on and the leaders to appear to take him back. But the door opened without a murmur, and he slipped out into the night.

As Robert approached the gap in the fence, he saw a brief movement by the shed. 

‘Aaron?’ he said softly.

Aaron stepped out of the darkness. ‘Hi,’ he whispered, looking serious. 

Robert stood in front of him and exhaled slowly. They looked at each other for a moment. This was a point of no turning back, Robert thought. He gave Aaron a small smile.

‘Are we doing this then?’ he said softly.

Aaron nodded his head. ‘Come on,’ he said, and they walked through the gap in the fence and out into the field. Neither of them spoke as they hurried down towards the lights of the road. Aaron led the way and when they got to the road, he turned left and carried on, without hesitation.

‘Wait,’ Robert said, grabbing Aaron’s arm. ‘Where are we going?’

Aaron stopped. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I thought we should head to the main road and towards the motorway and then see if we can cadge a lift from a lorry or something… there should be a few about all night and hopefully someone will stop…’

‘But where to?’ Robert interrupted. ‘Aaron, we haven’t even talked about where we’re going, and what we’re going to do now, so how do we decide which direction to go in?’

Aaron frowned. ‘We’re going to Emmerdale, obviously…’

Robert huffed in surprise. ‘What?’ he said. ‘There’s nothing obvious about it. We could go anywhere, start again in a new place…why does it have to be back to Emmerdale?’

‘How could we start again, Robert?’ Aaron asked, sounding frustrated. ‘We don’t have any money, we haven’t got jobs, and we’re too young – we’d get sent back to our parents anyway. If we go to Emmerdale, I can find my Mum, and if she’s not interested, which I know she probably isn’t, my Uncle lives round there too…’

‘But what about your Dad? What if your Mum sends you back to him? He won’t let you be with me, he’ll send you away again… Aaron, I don’t want us to be split up…’

Robert sighed as he recognised what a desperate situation they were in. They could both just end up in a worse place, only without each other, if their fathers had anything to do with it.

‘I’m not going back to my Dad’s,’ Aaron said firmly. ‘Look, my Mum probably doesn’t want to know me, so we’ll track down my Uncle. And there are other relatives as well – surely someone will help us. And maybe you can try talking to your Dad, he might have mellowed by now…’

‘No way,’ Robert interrupted too loudly. ‘I don’t want to see him or have anything to do with him or Andy.’

Aaron nodded. ‘Ok. Well hopefully Uncle Cain can put us both up for a bit.’

Robert chewed his lip. He knew Aaron was right about going back to Emmerdale. They’d be homeless if they went anywhere else and they’d struggle to find work. But the thought of going back to that village didn’t feel much better than staying where they were now. Robert had nothing but bad memories of Emmerdale and his home, and he hated his Dad. But even if he avoided the farm, he was bound to see him around Emmerdale, as well as Andy and Katie. He didn’t want to be near any of them. But what other choice did they have, really? 

‘OK,’ he agreed. ‘We’ll head for Emmerdale. But I mean it about my Dad...’

‘Fine,’ Aaron said. He rubbed his hand along Robert’s arm comfortingly. ‘Sorry, we should have discussed it, I just assumed…’

‘It’s ok,’ Robert said. ‘You’re right, we haven’t got much choice. Come on, let’s go.’

He took Aaron’s hand and they started walking down the road together. Robert wasn’t happy with the decision and he was absolutely dreading going back to Emmerdale. But he knew there was no point going on about it to Aaron when it was their only option. So he pushed his worries to the back of his mind and focused on enjoying the rare sensation of holding onto Aaron’s hand as they continued down the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a short chapter so I'll try and post the next one soon!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron bump into a face from the past on their way to Emmerdale.

‘So what are you doing out here in the middle of the night lads?’

Aaron and Robert had finally been picked up by a passing lorry after being ignored on the side of the road for almost an hour. They were cold, tired and fed up after several vehicles had sped past them, but this one had pulled over and they climbed into the cab with its friendly driver.  
‘Er…’ Aaron hadn’t thought about coming up with a cover story. 

‘We were visiting a friend and we had an argument so we had to leave,’ Robert jumped in quickly.

Aaron looked at him. That was a pretty impressive bit of quick thinking. Robert winked back at him and Aaron couldn’t help but grin. Robert was a certainly a smooth-talker sometimes…

The lorry driver seemed happy with the story anyway. ‘Oh dear,’ he said. ‘It’s the middle of the night. It must have been a bad argument to make you want to leave straight away.’

‘Yeah, pretty bad…’ Robert said. 

Aaron leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes while Robert chatted quietly to the driver. He was so tired but too nervous to sleep. He kept thinking about what he was going to say when he saw his Mum. She’d been keeping her distance for the last few years and he couldn’t really remember the last time he saw her. Aaron remembered her face, of course, but he’d forgotten what her voice sounded like and how she behaved. He didn’t know whether he was doing the right thing going to Emmerdale, but he didn’t know where else to go. Aaron just hoped his uncle would take him in. Although he was a stern, intimidating figure, Uncle Cain had always been good to Aaron. But how would he react to his nephew turning up out of the blue? And how was Aaron going to explain where he’d been and his relationship with Robert? He wasn’t at all sure he was ready to come out to his family yet. 

………..

The sun was just beginning to come up as Robert and Aaron climbed down from the cab and said goodbye to Mo, the driver. He’d dropped them off at a service station on the edge of Hotten. 

Aaron stretched. ‘Do you want to get something to eat?’ he yawned at Robert.

‘Yeah,’ Robert agreed, and they went into the café in the services. They got a large hot chocolate each as well as a toasted sandwich and sat down at a table.

‘God it’s not even six o’clock yet,’ Robert moaned, looking at his watch. ‘We’ll have to try and hitch another lift or it’ll be a long walk to find a bus stop and then a wait for the first bus.’

‘Mmm, I s’pose so,’ Aaron nodded. ‘I’m so tired, I don’t like the sound of a long walk…’

‘Me neither,’ Robert agreed. ‘I hope we can find another driver like that Mo. He was a nice bloke…’

Aaron was listening to Robert when to his great surprise, he saw a face he recognised. At the counter in the café was a dark-haired, serious looking man, and Aaron was pretty sure he knew who he was.

‘Aaron? What are you staring at?’ Robert sounded annoyed as he realised Aaron’s attention was elsewhere.

‘I don’t believe it,’ Aaron said. ‘That’s him. That’s my Uncle Cain.’

Robert turned around and they both watched as Cain paid for his drink and sat down at a table on his own.

‘No way,’ Robert said in a hushed voice. ‘Are you sure that’s him?’

Aaron nodded. He was completely sure. Although it had been a while since he’d seen any of his family, Cain hadn’t changed at all, and the impression he was giving of being in a bad mood confirmed it was him.

‘Do you recognise him?’ he asked Robert. ‘From the village?’

‘Maybe,’ Robert said. ‘I think I’ve only met him a couple of times, when my Dad took his shitty landrover to the garage to be repaired. So, are we going over?’

Aaron felt sick with nerves. He hadn’t been looking forward to trying to explain himself to Cain, but he thought he had more time to prepare and think of what to say. Now Cain was here and he had to go and talk to him, he realised how scared he was.

He felt a hand on his arm. ‘Just go and say hello and take it from there,’ Robert said encouragingly. ‘The worst thing that can happen is he doesn’t want to know and then we’ll try your Mum. OK?’

Aaron looked at Robert. ‘Come with me then,’ he said. 

They stood up together and walked up to the table where Cain was sipping his drink and looking at his phone. As they approached his table, Cain looked up warily.

‘Hello,’ Aaron said, his attempt to stop his voice from trembling making him sound like a grumpy teenager. ‘Uncle Cain? It’s me, Aaron. Chas’s Aaron.’

The dark-haired man screwed his eyes up and stared at Aaron. ‘Aaron?’ he said. ‘How…what are you doing here at this time of the morning?’

‘We were on our way to Emmerdale.’ Aaron said. ‘I was coming to see you actually… I need…. Well, we need a place to stay…’

Cain looked at Robert. ‘Who’s your friend?’ he said bluntly.

‘This is Robert,’ Aaron said. 

‘Hi,’ Robert said, and held his hand out for Cain to shake. Aaron rolled his eyes inwardly. Cain wasn’t exactly a hand-shaking kind of guy.

Sure enough Cain ignored the hand and kept staring at Robert. ‘Don’t I know you?’ he said. ‘Aren’t you the lad from up at the farm? You’re Sugden’s boy…’

Robert nodded nervously. 

‘Yeah. Look, can we have a word?’ Aaron said, and he sat in a chair opposite Cain, gesturing for Robert to sit down too. ‘We’ve both got problems at home and we need somewhere to stay…’

‘You’ve fallen out with Gordon?’ Cain asked.

Aaron nodded. 

‘So why aren’t you going to see your Mum?’ 

Aaron looked down at his hands. ‘She’s not interested,’ he said sullenly. ‘She stopped giving a shit months ago, I don’t know why. She just stopped coming to see me. I don’t know where else to go, Cain. Please help us.’

Cain took another sip of his tea and leaned back in his chair.

‘So you’ve had a little spat with Gordon, run away from home, somehow hooked up with the Sugden boy from the farm back in Emmerdale, and turned up in Hotten Services at six o’clock in the morning asking your long lost uncle for a place to stay?’ He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know what’s going on Aaron, but perhaps you can try explaining it to me when we get back to Emmerdale…’

He stood up.

Aaron and Robert stayed in their seats and looked at each other, unsure of what Cain meant.

‘Come on then,’ Cain sighed. ‘Do you want a lift or not?’

The two boys quickly stood up, grabbed their things and followed Cain out to his truck.

………

The trip from Hotten to Emmerdale didn’t take long and the three of them sat in silence all the way. Soon they arrived in the village and pulled up in front of the cottage where Cain lived with his wife Moira. Cain got out of the truck and nodded for Aaron and Robert to follow him.

‘Bloody hell, he doesn’t say much does he?’ Robert said under his breath as they got out of the truck.

Aaron smiled. ‘He’s a man of few words,’ he agreed. ‘He’s alright when you get to know him though…’

He was less sure about this than he sounded, and silently hoped he was right.

They went into the house and found themselves in the kitchen. A woman was at the table with a mug of tea. Aaron recognised her as Cain’s wife Moira.

‘Hi Auntie Moira,’ he said tentatively.

‘Aaron?’ she said. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I bumped into them at Hotten Services,’ Cain said. ‘Sit down boys. Now it’s time for you to tell us what the hell’s going on.’

Aaron felt sick again as he looked at Robert. How was Cain going to react to having a gay nephew? Aaron had no idea but the thought of telling him and the rest of the Dingles terrified him.

‘Just tell them the truth,’ Robert said quietly. He smiled weakly but supportively at Aaron. 

Aaron took a deep breath and started talking.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron talk things through with Moira and Cain.

‘Oh no Aaron, that’s awful,’ Moira said, and she got up to give him a hug. ‘You poor boys…’

They were all sitting in the kitchen still, and Aaron had told Cain and Moira the whole story, from his Dad’s decision to send him away up to the moment they decided to escape. Robert had listened for the most part, occasionally interrupting to add something. He knew how hard this was for Aaron – he’d only recently started to come to terms with his sexuality himself and now he was having to tell other people – but Aaron had been honest and told them everything, his voice croaking with emotion at times.

Robert looked at Cain. He hadn’t said anything yet, and Robert was realising that grim silence was Cain’s natural state. It was hard to read his expression. 

As Moira pulled away from the hug, Aaron looked at Cain nervously. ‘Cain?’ he said. ‘Is it ok if we stay here for a while? Just until we get sorted…’

There was a pause but Cain showed no sign of having heard Aaron. He continued to frown at the floor as he’d been doing the whole time.

‘Of course you can stay,’ Moira said warmly. Robert loved her soft Scottish accent. ‘You must both be shattered. Why don’t you come upstairs and have a lie down? Try to get some sleep…’

Robert and Aaron nodded, relieved. They’d both been awake all night. Moira took them up to a spare room where there were two single beds and told them to take a nap there.

As she was about to leave the room, Aaron called her back. ‘Moira,’ he said. ‘Do you think Cain’s ok about it? I mean… you know…. about me being…’

Robert noticed that Aaron was still struggling to say the word ‘gay’. Moira smiled. ‘He’ll be fine,’ she said. ‘It might take him a while to get used to the idea, but he will. Don’t you worry about that now.’

She left the room. Robert closed the door behind her, then he was straight over to Aaron and wrapped his arms around him. Aaron rested his head on Robert’s shoulder and they hugged each other tightly.

‘Was it really a good idea to come here?’ Aaron said miserably.

‘Probably not,’ Robert chuckled, moving his hand up to stroke Aaron’s hair gently. ‘But it’ll be alright. Moira seems lovely and she’ll talk Cain round if she needs to. Everything’s going to be fine.’

……….

They both slept for about four hours, then were woken by a soft knock on the door. 

‘I’ve made you some lunch,’ Moira’s voice called.

Ten minutes later they were all sat around the kitchen table again, but now it was covered with plates of sandwiches. Robert and Aaron tucked in eagerly. 

‘Thanks, Moira,’ Aaron said through a mouthful of bread.

Cain still hadn’t said anything and Robert wondered how someone as warm and friendly as Moira put up with such a man of stone. But after a while, Cain piped up at last.

‘You know, that stuff you said about your Mum doesn’t ring true,’ he said.

Aaron looked at him. ‘What do you mean? Everything I told you was true, I swear…’

‘No, I mean what Gordon said,’ Cain went on. ‘Your Mum loves you, she’s been desperate to see you. I don’t believe she would have suddenly decided to stop visiting.’

Aaron frowned. ‘Well she did stop. Gordon told me, she doesn’t care anymore.’

‘Cain’s right,’ Moira added. ‘Your Mum talks about you all the time. She’d love to see you Aaron, you should go and see her as soon as you can, today….’

‘I don’t think so,’ Aaron said moodily. ‘If she wanted to see me she could’ve come and seen me. Maybe Gordon told her I was a poof and she didn’t want to know…’

He glared at Cain, who looked away. Robert thought the older man was actually blushing. Good, he thought. Moira, on the other hand, made a lot of sense.

‘Look Aaron, I think Moira’s right,’ he said. ‘It’s not like you can trust Gordon, is it? Maybe he lied to you about your Mum. We’re here now, we might as well go over to the pub and see her. Give her a chance at least.’

Aaron sighed. ‘Alright, fine.’ He said. ‘We’ll go to the pub, but if she doesn’t want to see me, I’m not hanging around to persuade her. She gets one chance and that’s it.’

‘Aaron,’ Robert was surprised to hear Cain speaking again. ‘Look, I just want you to know…er…’ he looked over at Moira. ‘I don’t care that you’re… you know…. I mean, it doesn’t bother me and I should have said that last night when you told us. There’s nothing wrong with you being… er…’

‘Gay!’ Robert burst out. ‘The word is gay for God’s sake! Just bloody say it!’

Aaron sniggered and Moira smiled. Cain nodded. ‘There’s nothing wrong with being gay,’ he said abruptly, and got up and left the room.

Moira laughed. ‘Don’t mind him,’ she said. ‘Cain’s just not very good at expressing himself. He’s fine.’

She started clearing up the plates on the table. Aaron turned to Robert. ‘Anyway,’ he said, ‘if I’m going to see my Mum, will you go and see your Dad?’ Aaron said.

‘No way,’ the words burst out before Robert had time to think about it. Any mention of his Dad just made him want to shut down the conversation. He couldn’t handle the thought of seeing him again. 

He noticed Aaron and Moira exchanging glances. ‘You seeing your Mum is nothing like me seeing my Dad,’ he went on. ‘Your Mum didn’t send you away, she didn’t beat you up when she saw you with another bloke, she didn’t tell you what a huge disappointment you turned out to be. It’s completely different.’

No-one spoke for a while, then Moira said. ‘I’m surprised to hear that about your Dad, Robert. As far as I’ve always known, Jack Sugden is a good man, and one who’s liked and respected around here.’

Robert chewed his lip. He knew what his Dad’s reputation was. Everyone thought he was a great guy, no doubt they’d be shocked to know that he’d beaten up his son and kicked him out. Or maybe they wouldn’t, maybe the villagers would all agree with his small-minded attitude. Robert thought Moira meant well but he knew his Dad better than anyone, and he was much more complicated than they all thought. 

‘He is a good man,’ Robert said, miserably. ‘He just never wanted a son like me.’

He felt a lump in his throat and swallowed hard. ‘I’ll wash up this stuff,’ he said, heading into the kitchen quickly.

…….

‘What are you gonna do?’ Aaron said. He was trying to put off going to his Mum’s pub for a bit longer, Robert suspected. Moira and Cain were out and the two boys were sitting in the living room.

‘I dunno,’ Robert said moodily. ‘I’d like to see my sister, but I don’t want to bump into Dad or Andy. Do you want me to come with you to see your Mum?’

Aaron shook his head. ‘I think I need to talk to her on my own,’ he said. ‘But Robert…if we’re planning to stay around here, you’re going to see your family sooner or later, in the pub or in the shop or whatever. Wouldn’t it be better to go and tell them you’re back before you bump into one of them?’

‘I’ll just try to avoid them for now…’

‘Robert, don’t you think that Marion or one of the leaders will have got in touch with our parents by now? They’ll have called them as soon as they found us missing this morning. Your Dad’s probably looking for you and so’s mine…’

Robert had thought of this, of course, but so far he’d been doing a good job of living in denial. He sighed heavily and put his head in his hands. He felt an arm moving comfortingly around his shoulders. Robert looked up and smiled weakly at Aaron. He put his hand on Aaron’s cheek and moved towards him. They kissed slowly, softly, Robert immediately forgetting all his worries…until Aaron gently pulled away.

‘You need to go and see him, Robert.’


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron speaks to Chas.

Aaron spent as long as he possibly could putting off going to see his Mum until finally Robert had had enough. 

‘If you go now, I’ll go and see my Dad,’ Robert said, exasperated.

‘Really?’ Aaron frowned sceptically. He hadn’t expected Robert to change his mind like that.

‘Yes. You’re right, I can’t avoid them forever, and like you said, it’s better to do it my way than wait until I bump into them somewhere…I’m dreading it, but if I can do that, you’ve got to go and see your Mum.’

Aaron hugged Robert tightly. ‘Ok,’ he said. ‘Let’s do it.’

___________________________

Aaron watched Robert walk off through the mist in the direction of the farm, then he turned to look at the pub. The Woolpack looked exactly as he remembered it from whenever he’d last been there, several years ago.

He took a deep breath and went in. The pub was quiet, it was early afternoon after all and there were a few old men dotted around the place, but not many other customers. Aaron took a sharp intake of breath as he looked at the bar. There was the smiling face he’d waited so long to see, the face he’d often thought he might never see again. 

His mother was chatting and laughing with a blonde woman. As Aaron couldn’t stop staring, she seemed to be aware that she was being looked at and she turned to face him. They locked eyes for a moment as her mouth fell open. Then suddenly she was rushing round the end of the bar and throwing her arms around Aaron.

He only hesitated for a brief moment before returning the hug. Chas was clutching him tightly, and it was a while before he realised she was sobbing into his shoulder. Aaron was taken aback. He’d expected his Mum to show shock, anger, perhaps total disinterest at his presence, but he hadn’t been prepared for such an emotional response. They stood holding onto each other for about three minutes before Aaron decided to pull away.

‘Mum…I need to talk to you…’ he managed to say before Chas interrupted him.

‘What are you doing here?’ she wailed, tears in her eyes. ‘It’s so lovely to see you, Aaron, I’ve missed you so much! Oh Aaron love, I wondered if I’d ever see you again…’

She hugged him again as she broke into more heavy sobs.

Aaron looked around the pub where several customers were looking over, nosily. The blonde woman behind the bar was making no attempt to hide her interest as she watched them both. He entangled himself from his mother’s embrace again.

‘Look, Mum,’ he said, ’Could we maybe go in the back? Get a bit of privacy? We need to talk…’

Chas wiped her eyes with her fingers and nodded.

‘Of course,’ she said, smiling. ‘Come through.’

She led the way through to the back of the pub, asking the blonde woman to look after the bar. Aaron sat on a sofa in the living room while Chas went to the sink and filled a kettle with water.

‘Tea?’ she asked.

‘No,’ Aaron said. He was feeling frustrated and confused at his Mum’s reaction and just wanted to find out what had been going on.

‘Mum…I just need to ask you outright…’ he said, ‘Why did you stop coming to see me? Did I do something to make you angry? Because my Dad never explained what happened, he just said you didn’t want anything to do with us anymore.’

The smile fell from Chas’s face and she looked horrified. ‘No, Aaron, no…’ she said. ‘That’s not true at all. Your Dad told me you refused to see me. I thought you were angry with me… I’d never desert you like that, you’re my son and I love you.’

Aaron scratched his eyebrow furiously. His mind was all over the place as he tried to process what his Mum was saying.

‘So…it was my Dad’s decision?’ he said, confused. 

Chas nodded as she came and sat next to Aaron, taking hold of his hands. 

‘You have to believe me,’ she said desperately. ‘I’d never have chosen to stop seeing you, but he said you were having problems and you needed some space. He said you were going through a moody period and you blamed me for leaving him so you didn’t want to see me…but… are you saying that’s not true?’

Aaron felt himself getting angry and he struggled to control his emotions. ‘But why did you let him stop you?’ he shouted. ‘You should have fought to see me, you should have tried harder…I was a kid who was just suddenly abandoned by his Mum, it was horrible…’

‘I did try Aaron,’ Chas said, ‘I kept calling and visiting loads of times, but he always stopped me from seeing you and he said it was your decision. Eventually I gave up, I couldn’t do any more. And I thought I had to respect your choice in the end.’

Aaron sat in silence thinking about this. Who should he believe, his Mum or his Dad? All this time he’d been so angry with her for turning her back on him. Now it was hard to comprehend that she’d been lied to as well.

He sighed. ‘He told me you’d just stopped coming and then you had a new life and it was just me and my Dad. I believed him, of course I did.’ He looked at his Mum. ‘I thought you didn’t want me.’

Chas gripped his hand more tightly and smiled through her tears. ‘Oh Aaron,’ she said. ‘I love you and I always will.’

Aaron felt his own tears start now, tears of anger at his Dad and relief that his Mum still wanted him. He pulled her into a hug and they sat there crying and holding each other.

Eventually they broke apart and wiped their eyes, Chas with a tissue and Aaron with his sleeves. 

‘So,’ she smiled. ‘What have I missed? What made you come back to find me?’

Aaron bit his lip and tensed up again. Here came another difficult conversation, he thought. He took a deep breath.

‘There’s something I need to tell you,’ he said. He stared at the table, not wanting to watch his Mum’s reaction in case it was negative. ‘The reason why I’m not at home with Dad… well, he sent me away a while ago… it’s a long story, but the main thing to tell you…’

He hesitated. Why was it so hard to tell the truth? Chas squeezed his hand encouragingly, but didn’t say anything.

‘Um, I started…having feelings for boys, and then I was out one night and someone gave me a flyer for a gay club and I never even went there, but I kept the flyer and hid it with a couple of magazines under my bed and my Dad found them…’ he took a breath. ‘…and he got angry and upset, and then we both agreed that I needed to be cured so he sent me away to this conversion therapy place but now I’ve run away and my Dad’s gonna go nuts when he finds out…’

‘Aaron, Aaron calm down,’ Chas said kindly. ‘What are you saying? Are you telling me you’re gay?’

Aaron nodded, his heart thumping. He looked nervously up at his Mum, trying to gauge her reaction.

‘Its ok Aaron,’ she smiled. ‘I couldn’t care less who you’re attracted to, I’m just so happy to have you back. How about that cup of tea now and you can tell me the whole story?’

………………………………………….

An hour later, Aaron had had two mugs of tea and several chocolate biscuits. He’d told his Mum everything, from his Dad sending him away to him and Robert staying with Cain and Moira. She’d been shocked by the story, completely horrified that he’d been looking for a cure for his feelings, and amazed to hear about his developing relationship with Jack Sugden’s son.

‘So Robert’s gone off to speak to Jack now, has he?’ she asked.

Aaron nodded. ‘How well do you know Jack?’

Chas shrugged. ‘Quite well I suppose,’ she said. ‘He comes in here almost every week for a drink. He’s polite and friendly, but he strikes me as a very stubborn man, set in his ways. From what you’ve said about his reaction to Robert being gay, I don’t think he’ll be easily won round…’

‘Bisexual,’ Aaron interrupted.

‘Sorry love?’

‘Robert’s not gay, he’s bi. He likes girls too,’ Aaron said. He wasn’t sure why, but it seemed important to him to get this right for Robert’s sake. 

‘Bisexual, gay…’ Chas said. ‘Either way, I can’t imagine Jack being happy. He’s very traditional.’ She put her empty mug on the table and looked at Aaron intently.

‘Now let’s talk about where you’re staying. Cain and Moira can’t put you up forever. When are you going to move in here with me?’


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert goes to see his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in fact there is one more chapter after this, followed by a little epilogue. I hope people enjoy the end of this story...

Robert’s hands felt clammy and his stomach was in knots as he walked up to the front door of his home. He didn’t really know what he was going to say, but he knew he had to explain that he was back in Emmerdale, he was with Aaron and he was never going to be sent away again or forced to be straight. 

He made himself put one foot in front of the other until he reached the door, then put his arm out and rang the bell. He heard a noise behind the door and then it opened and suddenly his Dad was standing there looking down at him.

Robert’s mouth suddenly felt dry and he found himself unable to speak. He just stared helplessly at his father. 

‘What the hell…?’ Jack said, looking shocked. He composed himself quickly. ‘Do you realise there are people out looking for you? They called me this morning to tell me you and another boy were missing. What do you think you’re playing at?’

Robert opened his mouth then closed it again. He couldn’t get any words out. 

‘I’d better phone them back and tell them you’ve turned up,’ Jack said angrily, and he marched back into the house. Robert sloped in after him reluctantly. While his Dad made the phone call, Robert noticed with relief that there was no sign of either Andy or Katie. He knew he’d have to face them too at some point, but he was in no rush, and he didn’t think he could handle them all at the same time.

Jack came into the living room holding the phone. ‘Just a minute…’ he said into the handset, then he looked at Robert. ‘Where’s the other boy?’ he asked. ‘This Aaron, is he safe and well?’

Robert nodded and managed to get some words out at last. ‘He’s fine, he’s with his family,’ he said.

Jack relayed that information down the phone line and shortly afterwards finished the call. He turned to Robert again. ‘Well Marion was relieved to know that you’re both alive,’ he said abruptly. ‘They’ve all been worried sick, as you can imagine.’

Robert wanted to ask if his Dad had been worried about him too, but decided not to provoke him. 

‘Dad, can I sit down?’ he said meekly.

Jack nodded and Robert sat on the sofa as Jack settled into his armchair. They sat in silence for a moment before Jack spoke again. ‘I think you’ve got some explaining to do lad,’ he growled.

Robert gritted his teeth. He had nothing to lose, he thought. 

‘Dad, I had to leave that place. It’s not working and it’s never going to work, I still like boys as well as girls, nothing’s changed….’

Jack tutted loudly. ‘You haven’t given it a chance,’ he said.

‘Yes, I have, and it’s a sham, Dad,’ Robert argued. ‘Most of the kids there are just hiding their real feelings and lying about how well they’re doing, and half of them are secretly having it away with the others, they’re just pretending to make progress until they’re old enough to leave…’

Jack looked horrified. 

‘I know how I feel, Dad, please just trust me,’ Robert said desperately, ‘I’m never going to change.’

He looked expectantly at his Dad. Jack shuffled about in his chair. ‘You just don’t want to change,’ he said quietly. ‘You’ve always had to be different from everyone else, haven’t you? You like the attention, you want to stand out.’

Robert shook his head. ‘No,’ he said, ‘Do you really think I’d go through all this for a bit of attention?’ 

He knew his Dad would react like this but expecting it didn’t make it any easier. Robert hadn’t even told him the worst part yet. He took a steadying breath and made himself look his Dad in the eye.

‘There’s something else…’ he said. ‘The other boy I ran away with, Aaron, his Mum owns the pub in the village….’

Jack looked surprised. ‘You mean Chas?’ he said. ‘I didn’t know she had a son…’

‘Yeah, he used to live with his Dad but he’s here now. His uncle owns the garage…’

‘Cain Dingle?’

Robert wished his Dad would stop interrupting and let him say what he was building up to.

‘Yes Dad, but the point is… me and Aaron… we shared a room with another boy and we got on really well, and… we, er… the thing is, Aaron and I…’

Jack’s face was turning purple as he came to his own conclusion. ‘Oh my God…’ he muttered. ‘I send you away and pay good money to try and get you better, and what do you do? Shack up with one of the other poofs? You are unbelievable Robert…’

Robert flinched as his Dad raised his voice and stood up, leaning over him aggressively. 

‘I’ve done my best for you, I’ve given you everything I could and this is how you repay me?’ he shouted. ‘You just won’t be helped, will you? Andy said you’d never change and he was right…’

For a moment Robert wondered if his Dad was going to start hitting him again, but as Jack’s rage seemed to boil over, he turned and took a few steps away. He was breathing heavily and Robert could see he was trying to control his anger. Eventually Jack sat back down in his chair, his head in his hands. Robert didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet and waited.

After a few minutes, Jack spoke again. ‘So what now then?’ he said. 

Robert shrugged. ‘I need to take my A levels, I guess…’ he said carefully. ‘Then I can look for a job and support myself…and I think Aaron wants to get a job as soon as he can’

‘I don’t care about him,’ Jack said exasperatedly. ‘If you’re coming back to live under this roof, you’ll have nothing to do with him or any other boy like that…’

Robert felt a flush of anger now. ‘We’re together,’ he said firmly. ‘We like each other and we want to make it work, I’m not giving him up for you…’

‘Then you aren’t staying in this house!’ Jack yelled.

‘Fine!’ Robert shouted back. He’d always known his Dad was unlikely to accept any relationship with another boy, and he’d told Aaron that. The thought flashed across his mind that he hoped Aaron was getting on better with Chas than Robert was with Jack. He stared angrily at his Dad as Jack rubbed his face with his hands. It was clear that he wasn’t ready to accept Robert yet. He looked so tired and worried, Robert almost felt a pang of sympathy for him.

‘Look, Dad,’ he said in a calmer tone of voice. ‘I know this is all difficult for you and not what you want for me. But it’s happening and you can’t stop that. So you’ve got two choices, either you try and accept the fact that I’m bisexual and I want to be with another boy…’

Jack flinched visibly at his son’s words.

‘…or you cut me off altogether and I don’t see you again.’

Jack looked up. ‘You know I don’t want that…’ he said.

‘Ok,’ Robert interrupted. ‘So you’re going to have to try then. I won’t live here, I’ll sort something out, maybe with Aaron’s family. But I’d like to come and visit, and I want to see Victoria. And I’d like you to meet Aaron one day… he’s really great.’

Jack sat there still and silent for a long time. Then he looked up at Robert, a resigned expression on his face. ‘Vic would love to see you,’ he said. ‘She asks about you all the time. Can’t say the same for your brother though…’ he smiled tentatively and Robert gave a short laugh. He was in no rush to see Andy, either.

‘I love you son,’ Jack said. ‘I hope you know that. I just find it hard to support your behaviour… but I’ll do my best to deal with it. Give me some time and I’ll try and get my head around it.’

He looked as if he meant it, and Robert bit his lip to stop tears from springing up in his eyes. What more could he expect from his Dad at this point, than for him to keep loving him and try to come to terms with his sexuality? It was a better result than he’d dared hope for. He nodded and stood up.

‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I love you too Dad.’

Then he cleared his throat. ‘I’d better go. I’m staying with Cain and Moira at the moment, but I’ll let you know if I end up somewhere else. And I’ll be in touch about seeing Vic.’

Jack nodded. 

‘And maybe you could tell Andy, I don’t want any trouble.’

‘See you around,’ Jack said gruffly.

‘See you,’ Robert said, and he left.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron are relaxing in the Woolpack when they are unexpectedly interrupted.

Aaron sat at the bar as his Mum served the occasional customer in between chatting with him. He could hardly believe what had happened today. A few hours ago he’d believed his Mum might never want anything to do with him, and now they were getting on like a house on fire. 

‘Er, hi…’ 

Aaron looked up to see Robert smiling at him. He sat up straight and scanned Robert’s expression, trying to work out how it had gone with his Dad. ‘Hey, are you ok?’ he asked. Robert nodded and Aaron looked at his Mum.

‘Mum, this is Robert. Robert, this is my Mum, Chas.’

‘Pleased to meet you Robert,’ Chas said, smiling warmly. ‘My son can’t stop talking about you. Can I get you a drink?’

Robert looked taken aback at the friendly welcome. ‘Er, a coke please,’ he said.

Chas went off to get his drink and Robert turned to Aaron. ‘I take it things went well then?’ he said.

‘Oh my God, Robert, my Dad lied to me,’ Aaron said quickly. ‘Mum never wanted to stop seeing me, he told her that I didn’t want to see her. That old bastard was lying to us both and keeping us apart.’

‘Why?’ Robert asked.

Aaron shrugged. ‘Just being controlling, I think. Maybe he thought she’d be fine with me being gay and wouldn’t approve of sending me away… who cares anyway, I’m not going back there. Mum called him and told him I was here and that I don’t want to see him for now.’

He sipped his drink, then asked with concern, ‘How did it go with your Dad?’ 

Robert’s smile waned. ‘As expected,’ he said. ‘He’s struggling with it all, but he still wants to see me, and he’ll let me see Vic, so it could be worse. He said he loves me, but he needs time. And he won’t let me move back home…’

‘Well I’ve got some good news about that,’ Aaron said excitedly. ‘Mum says we can move in here! There’s a spare room – with a double bed! What do you reckon?’

‘Oh my God, Aaron, that’s amazing,’ Robert grinned. Chas came back over with his coke. He beamed at her. ‘Thanks so much for saying we can stay here,’ he said. 

Chas looked delighted. ‘No problem,’ she said. She looked at Aaron and clasped his cheeks with her hands. ‘I’ve missed my little boy so much…’

Robert laughed at the horrified expression on Aaron’s face as he pushed his Mum’s hands away. ‘Gerroff,’ Aaron moaned, his cheeks red with embarrassment. ‘It’s not too late for us to change our minds about moving in, you know…’

Chas laughed and went to serve another customer. Aaron looked around to check that no-one was looking at them, then discreetly put his hand into Robert’s, stroking Robert’s palm lightly with his fingers. ‘I’m sorry it didn’t go so well with your Dad,’ he said quietly.

Robert shrugged. ‘It’s what we expected,’ he said. ‘And hopefully he’ll come round. I’m not sure the same can be said for Andy…’

As Robert spoke his brother’s name, the door to the pub opened and Andy himself walked in. Robert quickly let go of Aaron’s hand and looked at his brother in shock.

‘Hi… hello Andy,’ he stuttered.

Andy stared back. ‘Robert? What the hell are you doing here?’

Robert cleared his throat nervously. ‘Look, I don’t want any trouble, ok?’ he started. ‘I’m coming back to live in the village – not at home but staying somewhere else…’

‘You what?’ Andy snorted. Then he noticed Aaron next to Robert. ‘Who’s this?’

‘I’m Aaron,’ Aaron said. ‘Chas, who owns this place, is my Mum.’

Andy looked confused. ‘But…how do you know Robert?’

Robert and Aaron exchanged glances before Robert spoke. ‘Er, you know Dad sent me away to that place? Well… Aaron was there too…’

Andy frowned, looking more confused than ever.

Robert huffed in exasperation. ‘Look, Aaron’s Dad sent him away to try and make him straight, just like Dad did to me. But it didn’t work, obviously, and we both ran away and now we’re going to be living in Emmerdale….’

‘Oh my God,’ Andy interrupted as the realisation hit him, ‘…are you two like…. boyfriends or something?’

His mouth dangled open as he tried to take it in.

Aaron looked nervously at Robert. Were they? They hadn’t used that word before, and Aaron didn’t want to be the first one to say it, but it kind of felt right… Robert looked back at him and the smile on his face made Aaron glow inside.

‘Yeah,’ Robert said, still gazing lovingly at Aaron. ‘I suppose you could say that…’

Aaron felt his stomach do a little flip as he stared at his handsome ‘boyfriend’, but the moment was interrupted by a furious Andy.

‘For fuck’s sake Robert,’ he said loudly. ‘What are you playing at? You don’t care do you, girls, boys, you’ll mess about with anyone for a laugh…’

People in the bar were starting to look over as Andy’s raised voice drew attention to them. 

‘No, Andy… it’s not like that…’ Robert said calmly, but Andy wasn’t ready to listen.

‘…and what about Katie?’ he went on. ‘You led her on for ages while you were secretly meeting up with some sleazy farmhand in the barn to get your rocks off with him…’ he looked around to make sure people could hear. ‘You’re disgusting, mate, you’ve got no shame and you make me sick…’

‘I wasn’t…I didn’t…’ Robert stuttered, looking upset. ‘I didn’t want to hurt Katie, tell her I’m sorry…’

‘You stay far away from Katie,’ Andy yelled. ‘She’s moved on and she’s not interested in you any more, she thinks you’re disgusting too…’

Robert snorted in surprise. ‘I’m not interested in Katie, you idiot, she’s all yours…’

Aaron watched as the expression on Andy’s face turned to rage and to Aaron’s shock, Andy suddenly lunged forward, his fist clenched, ready to hit Robert. Without thinking, Aaron threw himself in front of Robert, blocking Andy’s access and, before he’d realised what he was doing, his arm shot out and he punched Andy in the face. 

There was a brief moment of silence, then Robert gasped. ‘Aaron!’ he said. ‘What are you doing?’ 

Aaron was vaguely aware of everyone in the pub staring at him and his Mum came running over. ‘Aaron, what’s happening?’ she shrieked.

Aaron ignored her and stepped back out of the way as Robert leaned over and tried to help Andy up off of the floor. ‘Are you ok?’ he asked, but Andy shook his hands off and glared at Aaron. There was a bruise starting to form on his chin.

‘Fuck you, Robert, fuck both of you,’ Andy growled quietly, then stomped out of the pub.

Aaron clenched his fists tightly, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. ‘I’m sorry, Robert, I’m sorry,’ he said anxiously. He hadn’t meant to hit Robert’s brother, it had happened so quickly and he was regretting it straight away. ‘He was going to hit you, I couldn’t let him hit you…’ he babbled.

Robert took a firm hold of Aaron’s biceps and stood facing him. ‘Look at me… calm down…’ he said soothingly. ‘It’s ok Aaron. I know you were looking out for me. Don’t worry about it.’ Robert turned and looked at Chas. ‘It’s ok, he’ll be alright,’ he said and she nodded as though she trusted him.

Aaron tried to control his breathing and gradually felt his pounding heart slow down and the anxiety begin to fade. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘I’ve probably just made it all worse for you with him…’

Robert gave a short bark of laughter. ‘How could it be worse?’ he said. Then he sighed. ‘Look it was my fault as well for winding him up, he hates being called an idiot. I’ll just try to keep away from him and Katie as much as I can. Hopefully he’ll realise that I don’t want any trouble with them. I just want to be with you.’

Aaron couldn’t stop himself from smiling at Robert’s casual words of affection. He tentatively put a hand on Robert’s arm, wanting the closeness of touching him but not wanting to attract the attention of the rest of the pub. ‘Do you want to come and see our bedroom?’ he grinned.

Robert beamed with excitement. ‘Oh my God, Aaron, we get a bedroom to ourselves…’ he laughed, ‘how good does that sound?’

‘Er, you haven’t seen it yet,’ Chas interrupted. ‘I’m afraid it’s tiny and you’re not going to have much space. But it’s a place for you both to stay for now.’

Robert looked so happy, Aaron thought he might burst. ‘Let’s go and have a look,’ he said. ‘Come on – boyfriend.’ As they hurried out through the back room, their laughter rang through the pub...


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert are settling in to life in Emmerdale.

**6 months later**

‘Right, I’m off,’ Robert called as he grabbed his empty lunchbox and put it in his smart new bag with the shoulder strap. The bag had been a gift from Chas when he’d started working here a few months ago and Robert loved it (although of course Aaron constantly took the piss out of his ‘handbag’).

‘Have a good weekend and don’t study too hard,’ Nicola, Robert’s boss, replied. 

He left the office and ran down the stairs and out on to the street. He’d managed to get a part-time job as an office assistant at a haulage firm in Hotten, and although it wasn’t the most thrilling work, he was learning a lot about business while he was there. In the evenings he was attending college and studying for his A levels, and although the exams were approaching, he felt pretty good about it. Robert had worked hard and felt motivated – he had big ambitions for the future.

As he waited for the bus to Emmerdale, he thought for the millionth time how great it would be to have a car. Of course he and Aaron couldn’t afford driving lessons yet, let alone a car of their own, but they were saving up, and Aaron was always looking out for cars for them when he was at work at the garage.

Eventually the bus turned up and Robert sat at the back. He got his phone out and texted Aaron.

_On bus. Weekend!!! See you soon x_

He looked out of the window and thought about their plans for the next few days. Robert had some revision to do, but he was planning to take Victoria out to the ice-cream parlour in Hotten tomorrow and Aaron was going to come with them. Although Aaron had met Robert’s sister a couple of times, he hadn’t spent any length of time with her, as Jack had forbidden it. But after several weeks of Robert showing that he could be trusted to keep Victoria safe and happy, and after lots of persuading his Dad to give Aaron a chance, Jack had finally agreed to them taking a trip together. Jack wasn’t exactly cool about Robert and Aaron’s relationship yet, but he was getting more used to it all the time. Andy on the other hand, refused to have anything to do with Robert, which was probably for the best. But Robert couldn’t help feeling that they were both missing out on a brother. He hoped they might be able to repair their relationship in the future.

Robert’s phone beeped and he smiled at Aaron’s reply.

_Hurry up and get here, I’ve got a semi already…_

The words were followed with an aubergine emoji. Robert chuckled to himself. Aaron was certainly getting a lot more comfortable with his sexuality these days, at least in private with Robert. He was still reluctant to show any affection in public, or to talk honestly about his feelings in front of other people, but he was getting better.

After a short bus ride, Robert got off at the top of Emmerdale high street and walked down towards the garage. As he approached, he saw his boyfriend working on a car, head under the bonnet and pert little backside thrust up in the air. Robert grinned to himself as he felt a wave of lust.

He looked around to check that no-one was about, then walked up to Aaron and clamped a firm hand on his arse.

‘Hey…’ Aaron yelped, turning round. ‘Treating me like some kind of sex object…’

‘…says the man who just texted me an aubergine emoji…’ Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron’s waist and pulled him close. ‘Are you on your own?’

Aaron blushed and nodded shyly. ‘Cain’s gone to deliver a car and he won’t be back for a while… he’s left me in charge…’

‘Ooh, I like the sound of you being in charge…’ Robert murmured, kissing the side of Aaron’s neck.

Aaron chuckled. ‘Let’s get out of sight…’ he said. He grabbed Robert’s hand and led him inside the garage. 

As soon as they were out of the view of the main road, Robert grabbed two handfuls of the front of Aaron’s blue overalls and pushed him against the wall, pressing their lips together. He moaned as they kissed each other hungrily. Since they’d been living at the Woolpack, it had been difficult to find time to be on their own. Although they shared a bedroom, it was tiny, and they were wary about making too much noise in there, as Chas and Paddy slept next door.

Robert kept kissing Aaron while beginning to unbutton his overalls, and Aaron gasped as Robert’s hand found his hard cock. He leaned back against the wall and groaned as Robert stroked him, slowly at first but quickly getting faster. As he felt himself get closer to release, Aaron suddenly pushed Robert’s hand away and unzipped his fly. Before Robert could react, Aaron was on his knees, his lips around Robert’s dick. 

Aaron felt Robert’s fingers lightly in his hair as he sucked busily, and he heard Robert moaning with pleasure. As he felt Robert’s dick getting harder in his mouth, he grabbed his own cock. Robert panted ‘…oh God… oh Aaron…yes Aaron…’ as he came in Aaron’s mouth, and as he swallowed, Aaron’s own seed spilled over his hand. 

‘Jeesus…’ Robert groaned, and he squatted down in front of Aaron, put both hands on his face and pulled him into another long kiss.

‘Aaron?’ The shout from outside came from Cain.

Robert and Aaron stared at each other for a second, then hurriedly started pulling up their clothes and making themselves look as decent as possible.

‘I’m in the back,’ Aaron yelled back. 

Cain wandered in as Robert tucked his shirt in. He stopped and looked at the two of them. Both of them had pink cheeks, messed up hair and were noticeably out of breath.

Cain rolled his eyes. ‘For God’s sake, not again…’ he said. ‘Aaron when I leave you in charge, I don’t want to come back and catch you… up to no good with your boyfriend…’

‘Sorry,’ Aaron said, and they both looked at the floor sheepishly. ‘But I’ve been here since eight o’clock every day this week, and Robert’s got college in the evenings, we hardly see each other.’

‘Not my problem,’ Cain growled, busying himself with a box of tools. 

There was an awkward pause, and Robert said, ‘I’d better go…’

‘See you,’ Aaron said, but as Robert started to leave, Cain said ‘Go on Aaron, you might as well get off now. I’ll see you on Monday’

‘Yeah?’ Aaron replied, surprised. ‘Cheers Cain…’

‘But that is the last time I catch you two in here like that, right?’

Aaron and Robert nodded in agreement as they left. ‘I promise, we won’t do it again,’ Aaron said seriously. 

But that, of course, was a big fat lie…


End file.
